Backstory (this happened today just hours ago btw)…
>be in a mental fog for several days that's not clearing, something is terribly wrong with me
>can't sleep, but spend all the time not sleeping meditating as best as I can (which at times peeks out to a point of experiencing very anomalous events but most of the time the fog is too much to overcome)
>I am not well, I put off going to my martial arts class for 2 days, and my mom threatens me each day
>then today she fucking snaps when she catches me up at night time, she doesn't understand that I –CANT'– sleep
>she yells and swears at me for hours and says I'm fucked and that she's kicking me out of the house, intense hatred radiates off of her
>because I am emotionally shutdown and in a mental fog, I am not very responsive to her, and she keeps yelling at me and threatening me while I'm catatonic and can't respond to her and trying not to drool
>I am somehow am crying but I can't feel it, and I ask her if "she acknowledges that she is angry", and I'm having a hard time forcing thoughts into my empty mind and I am not sure she's real and having doubts she's a person
>I tell her I don't want to be a part of this world and I say "you do not care if I die so long as my body is here and remains animated, what am I but a body to you?"
>all of these things she completely ignores btw, because she never answers to anything I say, and always just gives me orders and threats unrelated to any thoughts or things that I say to the point I must wonder if there is some kind of reality disconnect where she can't hear what I'm saying though the more likely thing is she sees me as a sort subhuman and therefore doesn't have to respond to anything I say
>as she continues with her yelling at me I just think "I can fix it, I will make a new program, and I will leave my body and the new program will take over and it will do what is necessary be it commit suicide, commit murder, or with its own higher capabilities do what is necessary to autopilot my body through life."
>the yelling goes on & on while I struggle to form thoughts and to not die a mental death in my body
Magic part coming up next…
>eventually somehow I agree despite my mental state to go out but I'm not going to fight because I can't be mentally strong enough for that and will just get the shit beaten out of me yet again while people wonder what's wrong with me
>I go to the gym beside the dojo
>I see this really big, really tall (like 7 feet guy), who is really strong and an olympic athlete
>I stutter and whisper that I'm there to work out and ask if I should stretch first, my voice is completely beta as fuck
>he says yes
>I start with a lot of intense stretches for every part of my body
>I do as many chin ups as I can
>I do many push ups, leg raises, and a variety of other exercises
>I go into the gym and I pick out 25 pound weights and I do curls with them, 16 in total
>I do a ton of intense sit ups with this other device
>I use weights to do a variety of other lifts, they're all hard to describe, but they work out every muscle
>I do squats, with the heaviest leather saddle thing there, to make it more intense and I do 16 of those
>I then do more push ups, more chins up, and keep going back between these different things
>after a half an hour of this, I'm done
>…but then my dad arrives
>he doesn't believe I did shit, even though it should be clear to him that I did from the fact I'm sweating and hot
>a class is about to begin, of very intense fitness training, there's an olympic athlete there btw
>I am fucking done but that doesn't matter, and I'm still in my mental fog and can't convince my dad to just take me home, and I can't resist him but hey despite the obese fuck not believing I did anything and obviously not being able to sympathize at least he isn't an absolute bitch will crushing psychic vampire like my mom… anyways, so begins this intense fitness training class
>this thing normally lasts an hour btw
>still in my fog, still not able to think, I go through the whole thing
>I can't think about it, I can only do
>there is no question about it, I do it, and there can be no thinking about if my body is capable – the only way to find out is to fucking do it and not care if I collapse and die
>I go through all this shit with some other people who've only just arrived
>so many intense exertions, so many exercises
>running as hard as I can, doing push ups, doing burpees, doing crunches, and like 3 other things I don't even know the name of
>do countless other exercises besides this, with heavy weights, heavy balls, heart pounding, breathing hard, sometimes my vision is flashing, etc.
>at times there are very short breaks, like around 10 to 20 seconds, then keep moving
>in those times I meditate (nobody else does this btw, just me) with the greatest intensity I can and bring my breathing down
>it goes on, I really don't know all the stuff I did, but I swear this shit is hardcore and relentless
>the whole thing apparently went over for 1 hour 30 minutes. The thing is supposed to last 1 hour… but not today, today is punishment day I guess.
>at the end I do more stretches, it's time to warm down, and lay down a bit and stretch more
>then, even though the class is over, and everyone is done it's not over for me
>I go to the ropes and the overseer guy is like "can you really do that, after everything you just went through"
>I reply, loud and clear in an unbelievably manly voice for once in my life, "we'll see"
>I climb up a rope, with just my arms and not the legs
>then I put on a weight vest, and I climb up the rope again (legs used this time)
>then I go do more chin ups
>then it's finally over, and I leave, and everyone is impressed and I've physically exerted myself more even than that 7 foot tall incredibly big Olympic athlete who is also there even although he did use heavier weights than me for a few things
>but alas, it's time for me to go work for my bread (I'm kind of a slave, I work for food, don't get paid money unless my "master" if you will wants to and usually he doesn't bother and I don't have a proper job. Theoretically I don't have to work for him and I don't have to show up but I would starve more of course and I need to eat as much food as I can every day and I only eat healthy food btw.)
>so then I spend the next hour moving and lifting stacks of boxes, picking up debris and putting it in a garbage can, digging through a pile of boxes to get some more boxes
>then I'm done with that and I get home, and I have to take 3 loads of compost out and dump it off in the forest
>then at last, finally, I am able to sit her behind my computer and tell you this tale
The magical aspects are:
• that I had no mental blocks in place – I simply did and there was no question about it and no irrelevant thoughts – only doing
• that I had no pain, my pain was and remains capped off, I can only feel pain up to a certain amount (which isn't much, it's very dull to me) just enough to know it's there but it won't overwhelm me. It's the ideal superhuman capability really, because there's a warning that something is wrong because I can vaguely feel it so I can have my attention brought to whatever if necessary, but it's never going to stop me when I've decided that I have to get shit done. I can turn my pain back on later btw and when I do it, chances are, I'm going to be in agony after all this.
• use of meditation and yoga
• that I fucking did it and went above & beyond everyone else
A few additional points:
• All of this has taken place after a night of pretty much no sleep, I was up most of the night, so it's not like I was well rested at all before coming
• I have quite a few really big and bad bruises before I even started anything there, especially over my right knee cap there's just one huge fucking bruise, and I've got scrapes and burn marks and other shit all over me right now from getting beaten up days before and going through a whole lot of shit
• I have had yellow mucus and been really sick – have been experiencing my heart and lungs stopping and then restarting after a few minutes period of being out of body – as little as roughly 32 hours ago, but I meditated that shit away, and my nostrils aren't exactly clear but judging by the colour of my mucus I'm not sick anymore
• Where I am living right now the weather is very extreme this week, it's heating up rapidly and the snow is thawing, then it's dropping to extremely cold temperatures and everything freezes, and it's very windy and there are huge changes in the atmospheric pressure – all of which is fucking everyone up in the area giving them headaches and restless sleep and so on
Say what you will to rationalize all this away but I wouldn't have managed to get through all this without magic. Now I just need to fight off the fog in my mind, get fully lucid mentally, repel any subsequent psychic attacks from my horrible mother the next time she confronts me over some shit, get my feelings/emotions back online, and make my body heal all the damage from the beatings and from the intense physical exertions as hastily as I can will it.
Picture not really related.
