>>14583The more I contemplate, the more things I find worth saying. I won't bother stopping, and again, I hope others find something worthwhile in my words. I apologize, this will be a total mess.
In the past few days, I found myself teetering a lot on depression, overcome by the feeling of the universe as being a "mere" mental creation - an illusion that I'm trapped inside. I've felt like I ought to never find fulfillment in "earthly" affairs. I've entertained so many thoughts about infinity: infinite realities, infinite possibilities, infinite fragments of God. I've felt like, if there's this void of infinity I'm drifting around in, why am I "stuck" here in this realm? I need to escape this prison and experience the divine.
And then I realized something. That whole time, I was just trying to fathom infinity in my conscious mind. I was trying to translate infinity into words and pictures, which is impossible. As a result, my ego was lost in confusion and a sense of soul-crushing isolation, which I think some others out there may be feeling now as well. And I realized that infinity can only be EXPERIENCED, not thought of. Experiencing infinity is only done in the absence of thought. That is to say, an experience of the infinite is an experience of Love (which is my name for pure positivity, no suffering), and an experience of God.
God is the unconscious "witness," the "I" bearing life to all that enters the "mental womb" of the conscious mind. There is the "movie screen" where thoughts reside (the conscious), and there is the "audience" for those thoughts that gives them purpose for existing (the unconscious). And then I realized - expanding upon the last paragraph of my last post - that the whole time I was feeling this revulsion to the "mere" illusion of the mental creation around me, it was just me experiencing a different mental creation altogether. I erected the depression myself and chose to avoid letting go. Like I said in the earlier post, don't confuse renunciation of things with escape from them. The only "escape" from the illusion is to be at complete and utter peace with the illusion, which happens in knowing God in meditation, in the present moment.
This is where I think the realms of Zen Buddhism, Alan Watts, Eckhart Tolle, etc. meet the realms of occultism and magick. God and God's creation (the universe) become one as the mind itself: the former being the unconscious witness, the pure unthinking Love, the POWER behind creation and its reason for existing, the act of experience itself, the void of Chaos from which and to which everything that ever can be and ever has been resides, the pure satisfaction of any and all possible dualistic conflicts; the latter is creation itself, the apprehension of creation, the manifestation of any possibility as elected by the mind, an ordering of the chaos.
Divine experience, psychedelic trips, visions, channeling, telepathy, unconscious artistic inspiration, archetypes, mythological characters (gods, demons, etc.), sacred symbols, etc. etc. all come from this infinite well of the unconscious, because it is "collective" as God by its nature and can derive anything that exists in any conscious mind. The conscious mind is all those objects of thought actualized, because the mind perceiving the universe and the universe itself are one thing.
Again, because God is utter positivity, literally the whole purpose of life is to feel fucking good. This is the best summation I can come up with: Creation is the prism through which the pure Love of God has been refracted into an almost endless spectrum of different "colors." The chakras are a kind of mental bookkeeping method in making sure we experience the individual colors to bring the spectrum back together into the pure "white light" through our own being - among them are sexual pleasure, a sense of comfort, security, companionship, a sense of personal power, the satisfaction of success, shared experience beyond the bounds of ourselves, artistic expression, romantic love, coming to understand illusion, and on and on. We live in a kindergarten of imagination, tirelessly pursuing colors in this grand adventure. It's like a big puppet play, and we're both the puppets and the one puppetmaster pulling all the strings. We're making up our own conflicts, constructing new ways of experiencing the colors of ourself. We have all the infinite freedom to create, destroy, and rearrange reality in whatever ways we want, and we will never run out of new colors, no matter how much we doubt ourselves or how much we feel the need to avoid it. We are utterly free to abandon our desires through Buddhism or fulfill our desires through magick, so long as we do so through Love - our experience as God.
This shit is glorious, guys. Such beauty and fun.
