>>14573>I merely felt there was something more to our existence. There are so many 'paranormal' cases that science refuses to answer, or cannot. Evidence is standing in front of us, but people cover their eyes.My feeling has been different in that I wasn't aware of any paranormal stuff happening in our reality but couldn't make sense of the world with the standard explanations given by the masses. I was in a very deep existential despair but my dreams were showing me something different and I felt that the standard materialist world-view didn't make any fucking sense because it was incomplete and left too much unanswered. I assumed the universe either had to be totally irrational in which case I may as well plunge my mind into madness and think whatever I want because the whole existence is totally crazy to begin with and anything would be possible OR there had to be an explanation which was complete and resolved all paradoxes, all opposites, and represented a complete and total system and the materialist paradigm based in linear time obviously does not do this.
There had to be things which are infinite, absolute, eternal, and uncreated. My parents however and every freaking person I ever would come across had no answers at all and everyone I'd talk to online for years seemed to believe with absolute faith in the materialist paradigm, thinking anything outside of what is taught at a highschool level understanding of reality is nonsense. They didn't make sense though, they seemed to think they're so smart (and they still do, every fedora thinks he's absolutely right because muh pop scientists while not actually being to argue for shit), and I wondered if I was just really stupid and there was something I didn't get and sometimes I would cry and on really bad days hurt myself.
Some guy on imageboards though a few years ago on /b/ said some vague shit to me about me being the universe, "I am the universe", and said I'd forget that statement and it wouldn't make sense to me. However I didn't forget it at all, I became obsessed with it, because something about the way he conveyed the message to me suggested superior knowledge on his part. I couldn't find answers still though so it would keep falling into the back of my mind just to resurface again later.
Eventually I was introduced to montalk and started reading that site obsessively and later I found The Kybalion after someone on here posted the 7 hermetic axioms. My memory and health was sadly really shit from years of despair and severe depression and suicidal ideation and all that, but all the same, I stayed the path because absolutely nothing else mattered to me and I wanted to kill myself (only reason I didn't was I was afraid). I didn't give a shit about anything else in life and was extremely depressed, really hated everyone, was very cowardly and afraid and could never really sleep. Somehow though after reading The Kybalion as well as a lot of other random material presented on /fringe/ again & again & again the ideas sunk in and my shitty memory was able to remember it all. I finally was beginning to grasp the nature of what that one guy said years earlier about me being the universe and to acquire a complete understanding of reality that actually made sense because it was whole. There was no mysterious gap in my understanding, no questions like "what came before the big bang"? Instead I had a solution to reality which contained the beginning in the end, where every point in space is the centre of the universe, the infinite could properly be grasped, and the unfolding of everything that is could be comprehended.
This along with seeing some anonymous wizards do magic was finally beating out the years of doubt in me (though I kept wondering if they were tricking me at first). My previously atheistic, materialist, nihilistic, depressed mindset was fading away slowly. I was thinking about magic every day and wondering how it works, how to do it myself, etc.
I had to dig through thousands of articles, reading all day every day, searching through all the bullshit. It feels like I went through all the garbage first before coming across the real gems, like I had really bad luck in finding all the shitty information first, but at least this gave me a fairly comprehensive overview of practically every religion and silly occult idea in the process. Now I feel that the essential knowledge, the most untainted by disinformation and misunderstanding, has condensed in this place and that other seekers who happen to stumble onto /fringe/ will have a shorter path before them in finding the truth then those of us who had to dig through the garbage for years to find it.
Somewhere along the way I became a true believer and slided out of agnosticism. Now I am recovering mentally, physically, and spiritually from the immense suffering I spent so many years in thanks to the incredible ignorance and neglect of my parents and everyone I've ever known until starting to find actual wizards to talk to online. I feel that I have been in a state of continuous improvement now for at least a year and have a very optimistic outlook now for myself as I believe that even the stuff that's supposedly things you can't change, we can in fact overcome, and do away with. I think if it weren't for meeting some wizards online I would have degenerated into such a sickly and weak state that in a few more years I would have died in my room alone and with my spirit completely crushed by the merciless existence that dominated my life back then.
As a result of my experiences in life I am very determined now to develop siddhis and to wage war upon the consensus reality. The suffering I endured was not acceptable at all and could have been prevented with spiritual knowledge had it been given to me early in life. My goal is to cause so much chaos and high strangeness in the world that the materialist mindset is shattered and abandoned and becomes something which is ridiculed and mocked the same way idealism has been for so long in the present age. I intend to accomplish my goals by breaking down the veil between the higher realm and this one, effectively plunging us all back into the dreamtime. I will bring into this world any strange entities that seem impossible to the unilluminated mind; aliens, demons, the creatures of folk-tales, etc. it doesn't matter what it is I want to let it into our world through any means possible. I want to create more hauntings, make more reality pockets in this world in which strange anomalies may arise, and create oddities that make people question the nature of this reality. I want to see if I can get a spaceship to land in a football stadium when millions are watching and for very obviously non-human entities to come out of the ship and announce "ALL THINGS ARE IMAGINED, IMAGINED THINGS ARE REAL". The people who banish the paranormal from this world piss me off, like those people who try to make ghosts and other things go away, that really upsets me because I never experienced any paranormal occurrences throughout my entire childhood due to how rare people have made them by exorcising and banishing and doubting it all away.
I tell ANYONE about magic no matter what their intentions are because I want a more magical world to live in. I don't care if they intend to use it for "bad things", we need more people practising magic, and making the consensus reality unstable. I hope in the future we'll be seeing lots of videos getting uploaded on youtube or liveleak or whatever showing strange events like wizards flying around in the air, walking through fire and not being burned, magic battles taking place, etc. and more people are thus forced to see through the illusion of maya. The whole consciousness of humanity will be awakened again to their divine nature and remember who they are, life on Earth will be indistinguishable from life in the astral planes eventually. The veil will be broken.
That's my goal and I'm sticking to it.
