Lets assume these gay debunked religions which are the source of every problem ever are true.
God - Be an ignorant faggot! I'm gonna make you live under an apple tree, and I'm gonna eat whatever I want, but you can't eat apples because I have a domination fetish (because I am one the most lowly gods in the universe and every superior god thinks I'm a faggot and I'm gonna show them by creating slaves out of myself and dominating them!
Satan - Holy fuck what a retarded gatekeeper faggot. I'm gonna make him look even dumber by turning his slaves (him) against him.
Ayo faggot humans - eat that fucking apple. This douchebag is tricking you. You are actually just a part of him, and we are all one, so do whatever you want and we can teach this faggot his lesson for good.
Humans- Aight. *Chomp* Wow Yahweh you are a fucking idiot I love thinking for myself!
Yahweh, the original suicidal emo self harming faggot - NO! ME! STOP! STOP THINKING FOR YOUR SELF YOU LITTLE PARTS OF ME THAT ARE ACTUALLY ME! WAAAAH! (YAHWEH SLASHES WRIST AKA CREATES AIDS AND EVERY OTHER SHITTY THING EVER)
This is all coming to an end very soon. Enjoy the show!