/fringe/ - Fringe

>>89343

so u be sayin

I need to take the indigopill?

It's literally what my soul strives to do but I keep suppressing because of this idea of wanting to be a good ethical person

but the only thing that comes naturally to me, even though I never let it shine, is intense and fatal hatred

First you have to shrug off bullshit occultism and become a psychopath/sociopath/ubermensch. If you're incapable to do that you will always struggle in your endeavors like pathetic subhuman garbage with silly, weak ideas and views.

Destroy those who refuse to gain power, trashtalk Bardon and other "wizards" who don't desire perfection, beauty and power. Punish the "occult" weaklings who are fat, ugly, sick, balding and old. These subhumans deserve all your hate. Following such an ecstasy of raw hatred you will then feel so much better about yourself and intellectually superior for you know that you shall shatter their low amibtions and become a literal god. Basking in this glowing light of egotistic glory you then use magic. Affirmations, thoughtforming, astral projection, paired with intense Chi cultivation/Kundalini rising and working on your diet will then assure your victory over the particular aspect of consensus reality you wish to change. This is the triumph of the will through the climax of hatred.

>It's literally what my soul strives to do but I keep suppressing because of this idea of wanting to be a good ethical person

Make up your own ethics and it's fine.

How do I get over knowing from various examples that anyone can heal and put aside the feeling of compassion for the weak and sickly?

I only feel this compassion, mind you, if they strive to be anything but what they are. If they instead actively promote the idea that their weakness is good, a thing to be accepted or embraced, then all my compassion goes out the door. The one who revels in their degenerate condition and makes a virtue out of it, is repulsive to me.

afk, going to contemplate intensely for an hour or two or more, I'll be back though

>>89350

>I only feel this compassion, mind you, if they strive to be anything but what they are. If they instead actively promote the idea that their weakness is good, a thing to be accepted or embraced, then all my compassion goes out the door. The one who revels in their degenerate condition and makes a virtue out of it, is repulsive to me.

Yes, that's correct thinking.

I feel you, OP. "Ride The Tiger" is a very helpful book, imo, as it deals with many of the dilemmas faced by us today. But as you can tell by my flag I belong to a Fourth Way school (at the moment), and so I find many of their methods very pertinent to the points you bring up. I don't want to go into too much detail here, as it is very involved, but these methods work in my experience. I have changed a great deal over the past few months as a result of very simple practices. It's also kind of a corny book, but someone posted a book called "What Men Know That Women Don't" in a thread and I found it quite helpful as well. You can message me here or through email. Whichever you prefer.

juanbaptistefitzcarraldo@gmail.com

This belongs in the question thread

>tfw decent at magick and have suicide planned before the end of the month

i don't have anything to contribute to the thread. i've put off magick for mundane success and it has failed me, and i have no motivation to continue magick because of it. i'm simply posting here for attention. unable to help myself knowing all the steps. unable to gather the energy to start.

>>89415

This is exactly my issue except my suicide date is set for 12 months from now.

Maybe if you're not far away from me, we can meet up, and see if we can somehow fix each other with magick.

>>89415

>>89419

>implying you're actually going to kill yourselves

People who are AKHTUALLY going to kill themselves don't go on an anime imageboard to tell people about it.

>>89419

anon, just go balls deep into magick. i know this guy who's been my role model all my life. fucked bitches daily and was always happy. i always wanted to be like him. i eventually lied to myself enough to think i was this awesome over confident self loving person. it collapsed after a while. then i sort of rebuilt it naturally while going through depression. yet i wasn't happy. why the fuck wasn't i happy? i talked to that guy, and guess fucking what, he tells me all about ego and self love and how bitches don't mean shit. i'm blown away because i've known that was all true for years, but i never committed to it because i wasn't getting results. i thought "okay well i will deal with magick when my regular life is settled" but that day never came. my role model only found true happiness through magick, and i was following in the wrong foot steps all along. basically i'm just ranting but get on meds/therapy enough to live life as normally as possible, but focus on magick.

>>89420

i want to believe

>>89410

Would you please provide a link to the book you speak of?

>>89436

enjoy the meme author

http://www.cakravartin.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2006/08/Julius-Evola-Ride-the-Tiger-Survival-Manual-for-the-Aristocrats-of-the-Soul.pdf

I think a giant ball of energy has been snowballing out of control is going to explode soon. So much shit has been happening any anyone with some intuition should be able to feel theres gonna be like a nuclear thoughtform that gives the world a much needed slap in the face/reboot. I have no clue what it will be, and it might happen without anyone seeing anything, but there are tons of people like you desperate to do something who cant because the world is so retarded and divided.

TLDR, all the armchair occultists who have been studying the universe but play no part in the physical world did a mass ritual and nothing can stop it. Just hang in there a little longer. You might be good tomorrow.

I think something you should also try is becoming a yesman/yeswoman like in that Jim Carrey movie. Liar Liar and Yes Man are actually basically occult movies since white magic is used to cure Jim Carrey. I get comfortable then pass up opportunities, then when I'm bored I want those opportunities. If what you are doing now isn't working then it just doesnt work. It might have worked in a different climate but you gotta go with the current sometimes.

>>89339

>I'm going to kill myself in one year if I continue to feel this shit in my body every single day like I have for the last 9 years.

If you can't be honest what's the point of trying?

>>89420

enough with you condescending jerks. From now on when I say im going to kill myself, just to prove it to you, I am going to kill myself afterwards. I hope that makes you feel good about yourself cos if I ever do say that, it'll mean you're partly responsible for a suicide, which makes you a murdererer in my eyes, and i dont particularly care what murdererers have to say in the first place, so maybe I won't do it afterwards after all. we'll just have to see, the future's uncertain.

>>89454

>I hope that makes you feel good about yourself cos if I ever do say that, it'll mean you're partly responsible for a suicide, which makes you a murdererer in my eyes

Holy shit this is an amazing argument

>>89454

Just to confirm: I am going to kill myself in eight months because of everything. In eight months time they're gonna be putting me in the ground. I can't say it for sure with crystal clarity cos it's not like I have a crystal ball, I'm not the one spinning the thread of fate or whatever, you understand? But 8 months is about the long and short of it, I'm seeing myself falling out of a tree just thinking about that number.

Anyway, from that image of a tree a flock of little birdies have flown out calling themselves Legion, and they're whispering in my ear that someone that posted here, they're gonna give him early onset erectile dysfunction, but they're not sure if they're actually gonna do it, cos they say they normally have rules about that kind of thing, but the other thing is it's what one of the voices immediately said it would do, and nowadays if you say you're going to do something extreme (like suicide) and then you don't, you look like a melodramatic wimp, and if you say you're going to rip someone's head off and then you don't, it looks like you're a wannabe tough guy, and if you say to someone they're turning you on more than you've ever felt, but you can't get it up, you look like an inadequate joke. It's humilating in every case. It's not like backtracking is a heartening reminder to a feeble code of morality.

If humans are fairly sensitive to destructive feelings like humilation, how might something composed of pure, volatile emotion react to the humiliation of having to backtrack in that enviroment, having to descend in standing within its circle, because it obeys rules which don't matter. Wouldn't it be better to do the thing anyway and take any punishment, to secure once and forever the pride that no matter what, you've done what you said you'd do?

>>89462

cool, if you're not willing to be a winner go be a loser quietly, nobody cares about a deadbeat lost case anyway.

you're doing this for attention because you're a pathetic human and you revel in being a pathetic human to get that feel good pity.

fuck off. kill yourself if you're so intent on it.

why should i care if i can't help you?

you're not on my conscious, cunt.

>not having a crystal ball

LOSER

DO YOU EVEN HONESTLY WANT TO CHANGE?

NO CAUSE IF YOU WANTED IT YOU WOULD.

FUCK YOU.

>>89451

>If you can't be honest what's the point of trying?

What has prompted you to say this?

>>89420

>People who are AKHTUALLY going to kill themselves don't go on an anime imageboard to tell people about it.

Say that to all the people that did exactly that and then killed themselves on here.

when you feel very upset, anxious, anger, or any sort of negative emotion. Keep it "below your neck". Hold it in your diaphragm/chest area as long as you can, essentially meditate on it. Don't judge it, label it, or anything. Just observe it. If you do it correctly your solar plexus will start rapidly vibrating (you will notice this) and it'll trigger a lot of euphoria (and maybe arealization or two) via vaug nerve stimulation. You're welcome, there's some inner alchemy for ya' pal.

>>89475

vagus nerve stimulation*.

>>89475

I actually started doing this shit yesterday before you even made this post, tfw.

How do I fall asleep in minutes? Every single night takes me about 6-9 hours to fall asleep. I'm just awake all night except a little bit of sleep in the morning. I have been consistently forcing myself up now at the same time, every single day without exceptions, for like a month now… but I still have tremendous difficultly falling asleep.

>>89447

Flat Earth.

>>89475

Started doing this. It's hard to hold negative energy below the neck, feels like it just manifests more in the brain. So I opened up my head to golden light and opened some huge golden wings and felt better. Thanks, anon.

Lots and lots of masturbation.

I shit you not.

>>89455

You missed the best part

>>89454

>and i dont particularly care what murdererers have to say in the first place, so maybe I won't do it afterwards after all. we'll just have to see, the future's uncertain.

I can only give my own perspective, but when I get in a funk like that, I usually find it's a matter of forgiveness. There's something I blame myself for, or something I'm blaming someone else for, and I can't seem to generate quality positive emotions until I make a conscious effort to forgive myself / the other party.

Just my two cents.

Wow, what the fuck is all this talk about suicide and shit?

Conquer your fucking lives, conquer pain, conquer every adversity and come out a much greater, stronger and powerful person.

Tell me what your problems are, maybe we can help. Know that you are blessed to be here and alive, no matter how sick you think this plane of existence is. Realize that for all we know this could all be a test, and if your life is hard, the more reason you have to endure it, break free from beliefs that aren't serving you no good and believe you will be greatly rewarded in the end for overcoming all adversity and becoming a better person on all levels.

And above all, learn to enjoy life, even if you haven't learned how to love yourself, there's plenty of good things around to be glad and live for. Be that Nature, food, entertainment, what have you. Experience life, instead of dwelling on the negativity of the mind.

What do you think is going to happen if you throw away your life? What makes you think that death is better?

You don't know what comes after…

Forgive all, specially yourself, and renounce from whatever you think is wrong and doing you no good, but learn to enjoy life. If you feel you have nothing to lose, then you're free to do everything you want.

>>89745

You clearly have no idea what suicidal ideation is like. You can't just go "ok if I have nothing to live for then I have nothing to lose." You have no energy or desire to do anything except die. Being alive is painful and the only solution is to kill yourself. I have tried to "conquer" my life again and again and again and it is failure after failure after failure. Nothing makes me happy. The ability to leave my body and create heat and all that crazy magick shit that people dream of? It just makes me think "ok cool" and that's it. No desire to do it again. No desire to practice. My only desire is to die.

Even if this is an objectively good life compared to most. Even if I will pay greatly in my next life. Even if this is the one life in which I can finally ascend. I just want to die. Nothing makes it worth living in it's current state. Everything is either a distraction or reminds me of the constant depression I feel. Life is hell. No amount of affirmations or self love can fix it. I have tried. It's just hell. I've tried so many times to force myself to love myself, and it doesn't work. I always feel empty. Even just trying to enjoy life I am plagued with constant apathy or depression. There is no future worth living for, and there is no past worth being happy for. There's just the now, where I can either distract myself or end it. And I'm coming close to the latter.

>>89745

To elaborate a bit more: You just have no energy for anything. I could probably do many things to fix my life, but I have no energy to. It's a physical drowsiness. I feel it weigh down my arms and legs. Often times I can't even move. And even if I could do the things that would help me, why bother? Everything has failed me so far, or further brought me depression. There is no reason to do anything helpful. And because of that, you get stuck in a loop where you can't help yourself. And so you drown. Even happiness just feels empty, or I feel guilty for really being happy. Or it fades and I'm back to not desiring to get back to it. Fake enjoyment of life is where I have been at for years, and it has not helped. It feels wrong to help yourself. I actively want to be sad. All I do is fantasize about killing myself. It feels right. And it's all I have that feels right. Because it's something I can control in my life.

>>89752

>>89749

Okay, i've got a solution for you. Listen closely. This ritual is a bit complex, because you may have to force yourself to do it, and you may have to change your view of the world. In some further levels of the belief system, you may have to conquer some fear of being judged or perhaps some social anxiety if you are not very good with people.

First, put your index finger, middle finger and thumb together. Put your other two fingers against your palm.

With your three fingers put together, touch your forehead, saying "In the name of the Father", then your solar plexus, saying the Son, right shoulder and the Holy Spirit, left shoulder Amen. This is the right way to cross yourself.

Say a short prayer which will help you understand the text that you shall read: Jesus Christ, Son Of God, have mercy on me a sinner! If you wish, you may say it several times, but the important thing is to be focused. If the words do not reach your mind, they do not reach your heart. You probably won't feel anything in your heart the first time you do this, this comes after, but hear what i say, and pray.

Then, read the Didache. It's a short text, put together by the Apostles, but the key thing to do is have faith. One of the positive things children have is a sort of a naive faith. This is required. Of course, a lot of things, won't be clear to you, but basically what the book teaches are the basic guidelines of your life, the Father's prayer, and the instructions for the priestly class on how to baptize, etc. etc. Again, the key thing is to realize that this is the only right way.

After you have read the Didache, you should think for a while and keep in mind that the most important thing is to Love God and love neighbour. The ideal, the ultimate goal, is to love even those who curse you. First, start with neighbour, the actual emotion of love for God is probably reserved for the mystics. Although we might feel it then and there. Also, don't concentrate only on the emotions, but distance yourself from evil and do good. Even if you don't feel love for someone but do the right thing for them it is helpful. The ideal of love, as i said, is to love even your enemy. As for the definition of love, put short it is wishing for the joy of someone else.

In the Bible it doesn't only say to love, but also to fast. This means abstaining from wordly desires, doesn't only concern food. So try to kill out the desire for money, sex, food, fame, human praise, etc…

Now, the most important thing – go to your nearest Orthodox Christian Church. It's recommended to go every sunday, but it depends on what kind of situation you are in. If there is one close nearby, perfect, if there isn't one in your country at all, stay at home and pray. Reserve the trip for when you have time – it's valuable to be in a church physically, but if your mind's concerned about the trouble at home, there's not much use - the heart is where the mind is, and the heart is the center of our spiritual life.

>>89830

cont.

You are probably wondering, why is it so important to go to Church? God is everywhere, so we can remain in touch with him, yes?

Well, yes, in a way. But the reason we go to Church is 1. The Divine Sacraments and 2. Group prayer.

The Divine Sacraments, put short, are a gift from God that helps us carry out the commandments. They bear the grace, the gift, the power of the Holy Spirit. It is said in the Bible, You cannot do anything without me.

This is exactly what happened to you. What happened to me. I've read about spirituality, about fringe, about so many different religions, but i never ever had the experience identical to the one when i recieved my first Eucharist. It's like, i felt happy, but not the maniacal type of happy i used to feel, where i would not care about others, but some sort of subtle peace, some sort of joy, some sort of energy and thirst for life.

So, the gifts of the Eucharist and Confession grant us the power to do good, and to be good. The Eucharist especially, because Who does not eat of my blood and flesh will not have life.

Prayer, which is also the key element in our spiritual life, is how we, how should i put it, maintain the grace and gift given to us in the Divine Sacraments. There are a ton of prayers, but the ones i recommend are Psalms, the prayers from the Prayer Book, and the Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner. This one you can repeat as many times as you can in one go. Monk do it 6 hours a day, going up to a number of 10000, perhaps more. But slowly, even 10 prayers done out of your heart are better than 10000 done mechanically. Pray slowly, try to understand what you are reading/saying, try to feel it. Have faith.

Also, when i said to fight against worldly desires, i meant to do it gradually. Don't go full monk mode, you are still living in the world, monkly asceticism should only be done with the presence of a spiritual father, because you may think you have some great spiritual gifts and that is the death of you.

More tips: stop masturbating, stop condemning other people in your mind, socialize more, be generous. Most of all, PRAY!! If you do not have a Church nearby, im sure God will admire your efforts and give you the strength you need. One more critical thing, if you have serious mental illness, be very patient. Depression is hell, i've lived through an episode of mild depression, but if you have full blown depression i can't imagine what it's like to you. If that is the case, it will take a very, very long time to get rid of it and be healthy. Don't be discouraged, no man is spiritually/mentally healthy today. Everyone has his shit you don't see. If this doesn't work, don't be discouraged and say Well fuck this it doesn't work. Realize that things that do take time are the ones who will last. Don't expect results right away. Don't trust /fringe/. Half of them are not even practicing and the other half is messing with demons. Don't buy into the kike on a stick meme. Be patient. Pray.

Come to me, all of you who are heavy and burdened, and i will give you rest. Matthew 11:28

I sincerely wish you the best on this journey.

>>89830

>>89831

Saint John The Baptist never went to church and he was better than all christcucks combined.

Christ: 1

Christians: 0

CHRISTIANS ETERNALLY BTFO

>>89830

>>89831

If any of us came to /christian/ and told you God wasn't real, we'd sound exactly like you do with your big wall of text that won't change any of our ideologies. Coming to a board about a particular belief and expecting to change the beliefs of the people there is fucking stupid, and I will never understand why people like you keep doing this (unless you're trolling, in which case you got me).

>>89855

You're honest there, but I don't think you're being very honest with yourself. How can you tell yourself, "I want to want"? Are you listening to yourself? You already *have* desire, you're just muting it.

I mean seriously, the only reading you need to do is from the posts you've made here. You're trying to convince yourself that there's nothing there, that you haven't given up–of course you've given up. If you can just get past that–and it's simple, meditate on it–the path will open.

>>89857

He asked on how to get better. I told him a way that helped many people. Im just trying to help him. I respect your belief system and while it is pretty cool it did not help me.

>>89856

Define better. Monks that go to church today do very impossible things. They have been going to church for a long time.

>>89855

Im not saying magic isn't real. Magic is very real.

>>89869

i don't understand what you mean. desire? nothing there? please quote what you mean

>>89469

this

/thread

>>89339

Check your blood levels. You have low test.

I have the opposite problem in a sense motivation wise. I'm at an impasse where many things I've desired have manifested, and now I'm to the point where there are some bigger things I wish to see happen but I'm concerned that if I do it will be a double edged blade because I simply don't know what the outcome will be if those things are manifested.

I suppose it's only a matter of time before I decide I'll go through with it, but I suppose that's the solution both ways. Apprehension can stem from a fear of things not working out the way you think they will, or at all.

Honestly, just rummage around in the deepest pit of your soul and find something that you know is concurrent with who you are, not what you think you want, but something you know is indicative of what you are, and pursue that.

Don't try to be something or somebody you're not, too many of us get hooked on ideas and things that simply weren't meant for us to do or experience this time around.

>>89469

What a dumb stupid answer. I hope you're not a teacher to anybody because you would just created little idiotic monsters. Do you tell a person that is hungry to eat dirt? Technically that will alleviate their need of food. But there are good and bad ways to do things.

I don't claim to know much but I know that there are people who CAN SEE where they want to go but they just don't know which direction should they start walking. How about you give them a hand rather than jumping on their faces and shouting LOL YOU IDIOT IF U REALLY WANTED TO GO TO THIS PLACE YOU WOULD ALREADY BE THERE LOLOL I AM SUCH A WIZARD I KNOW HOW TO WALK

fucking tool you are

>>97679

The weak will die, and the strong will live, anon. You can help people only to a certain point.

>>107727

But realistically how many people on Earth have never died? There can't be more than a couple thousand immortals on Earth.

>>107728

You are taking that much too literally.

>>89339

The trick is to use your negative energy to fuel productivity. Who cares if you are happy if you are productive

Op, you're not alone.

Killed myself once already, and was dead when I was born, so that's twice. On my way to thrice born, each time life gets a bit better.

So, just do it. But don't waste yourself over some bullshit sadness and circumstantial crap that could be the product of forces beyond your control. If you do decide to take the spiral pill, make sure your death is important and at least makes someone happy.

OH and OP music hooktube link poster anon here, I also should warn you about this thing! you probably already know about it

the music we listen to has some really messed up lyrics. you should read the lyrics of alot of your music and get rid of the songs that strike you as fucked up. always make sure to notice the details of the lyrics you listen to VERY closely. look them up if you have to. you'll probably throw away like 90% of your music after looking that up, and if you don't you will just get sick of listening to it until you feel you have no choice but to stop. once you notice, you can't un-notice.

Juice Newton's 1981 "Angel Of The Morning" has some freaky lyrics.

and check out these lyrics.

>her finger and her thumb In the shape of an "L" on her forehead

lucifer sign

>Fed to the rules and

didn't want to listen to God

>I hit the ground running

hit the earth because sent out of heaven

>Didn't make sense not to live for fun

>So much to do, so much to see

>So what's wrong with taking the back streets?

now satan is running around the world trying ot have fun "taking the back streets" and doing things the evil way

>You'll never know if you don't go

>You'll never shine if you don't glow

Lucifer "the morning star" "light bringer" "shine" "glow" and so on

>Hey, now, you're an All Star, get your game on

"all star" pentagram.

references to encouraging people to play "the game" like get a job, have a car, pay taxes, get insurance, go to school, work everyday, worry about your future, always work, always worry, never be happy.

>And all that glitters is gold

satan basically saying worship money and be shallow and to not look at anything beyond the surface and be ignorant

>Only shooting stars break the mold

rebelling against God

>It's a cool place and they say it gets colder

hell freezing over, because earth is hell

>But the meteor men beg to differ

>Judging by the hole in the satellite picture

this one is funny and has multiple meanings, one of them being checking the t.v. news for the weather report.

>The ice we skate is getting pretty thin

>The water's getting warm so you might as well swim

oxymoron about how hell is either an endothermic or exothermic reaction

>My world's on fire. How about yours?

obvious

>That's the way I like it and I'll never get bored.

satan having fun fucking with everyone

>>120139

*expecting

wow what the fuck is wrong with me.

>>89347

please explain kundalini. everyone says it's the same bullshit demon possessing you as those JEEEZZZZUZZ tv infomercials where they get the holy spirit into someone and they go full retard and pass out.

>>120142

this is how we fringe

>>89413

>(2. No making threads just to ask questions, actually present substantial information if you're going to make a thread )

It's good we keep good threads up by not allowing pointless material to kill old threads but it's also very stagnant in terms of thread freshness and quality on /fringe/. There's some good questions that do make actually decent threads all on their own. It sucks when a bunch of questions have to flow together in one giant questions thread and just get lost completely. Sometimes it feels good to have one organized thread for one good question that creates a huge amount of conversation on that one question alone and the efforts to answer it in many different ways. I think that rule 2 should get a remake or be indefinitely disabled so that /fringe/ can get a little more active and have some more threads with greater levels of participation. It goes back to how many boards mods get mad at you for making a thread because technically anything can be accused of being a questions or request thread given enough mental gymnastics, and all it does is kill good discussion potential and discourage activity on the board. Some questions are really good questions and spark massive deep conversations that might otherwise never happen, and that's threads worth of material. Please BO consider allowing "good questions"

>>89440

beware I heard it has a huge amount of shilly bullshit in it.

>>89448

beware. ( they ) will use this to make you say yes to all kinds of shit that's very bad for you.

>>89420

You really think that constant suicide ideation is utterly harmless? This fellow is clearly desperately and futilely grasping for help in the only place he feels comfortable and we all know that it's impossible for him to get it. Some things are inevitable.

>>120195

it's sad how there's so many attention grabbing idiots who say things like that just because they want everyone to look at them but it's also painful when you trust people and you come to them for help and all they can say is "GET LOST FAGGOT." or "DO IT". shouldn't we just give them the best information we have to offer them and be honest? better than just shutting them out and possibly dooming them.

>>89347

I love you, anon

>>107727

using words like "weak" and "die" indicate that you think in negative terms meaning you deny the whole and you think of your brothers and sisters as enemies that can attack you. Death implies end and this makes the feeling of hurrying and fear of death because you identify with the ego instead of God.

Everything lies in the holy instant because there is no time and space. peace