/fringe/ - Fringe

>>86267

>teenage relationship

Oh shit…

That's just real cringe. Boys should be studying and learning how to become men, not being little fuccbois and thinking with their boypucci. Put them through some hardship instead.

Since girls are biologically different mature faster than boys, they will be at the height of their "game" long before you and will manipulate the shit out of you for their own selfish ends. Yet, that which matures later is more perfect.

Basically you should just harden the fuck up and leave young girls for established men to marry like in Greece.

And what you refer to as "love" is just some silly hormonal rush. You know nothing of love. Seek the mysteries.

Instead, the world now has lovesick fool and a nonvirginal bride. Good grief.

>>86267

It's simple as this: You were attached to someone for a long time, in a developing period of your life. Especially if she was your first lover, you will likely never forget her. But you've learned from this, and will continue to.

Remember: There is no love like love for one's self. Keep moving forward, for her, for the world, but mostly importantly for you.

>>86271

You're spot on again, anon. Although I wouldn't discard experiencing women at a young age just because they are at a much larger advantage than you. This inevitable failure is of it's own hardship, and one that can be enjoyed as well.

>>86267

>we got high off of each other. The source of that wasn't sexual, just very deep "magnetism" of some sorts. Divine love?

I have the same case now.

with my friend's wife.

inb4 wtf

>If I could've stopped the flow of time and forever just stay in a room with her I would have done it and so would she.

This. On those rare occasions we can be together alone. I would like it to last forever.

>>86271

>And what you refer to as "love" is just some silly hormonal rush.

moronic ignorant

>You know nothing of love.

says you. a moronic ignorant.

I want to hear Smiley's expert opinion on this.

KENNETH!!!!!!!!!!!

Btw Kenneth I just astrally smooched your lips. How does it feel?

>>86267

>Divine love

Fucking hell m8 that's not what Divine Love means, Divine Love is not even related to the individual personal love people are familiar with.

>>86602

brainless sissy wizard

It's a common meme in fringe environments that the sexual drive and will to love are distracting curses. Interestingly, I'm one of the rare cases of an individual free of these "curses". I can fap every day or no fap for a year, no problem. Never loved anyone. If you want to wire yourself like me, maybe my story will interest you. Or perhaps you can help me (if I need it?).

I don't feel love towards anyone ever, I'm neutral. I'm 95% sure it's the result of closing myself down after 3 years of bullying 8 years ago.

The trope is that people like me go through depression. The thing is though, I don't seem to suffer (or I suffer without realizing it). I go back in meditation to times of bullying when I inverted my emotional centers and I don't find much to do there.

It's as if I was fine but I'm clearly not because I don't express my will to power and will to love outward in the world.

I'm pretty sure what happened is others dominated me so much that my subconscious had no choice but accept it's fine not to express my will-to-power and will-to-love in the world. As a result I suppose all my emotional centers are inverted to derive reward from inside me, not from outside world. For example, I don't fear death even a little bit. There's always a point from which all is fine and just. You just have to detach enough to sweep a big enough picture. Makes me feel so peaceful it's almost disgusting. This belief setup is a hack to life. Makes you feel great for free. Makes me realize all religious people are in fact hedonist masturbators who simply get high on god with no effort!

I also might be romanticizing my disorder, if it is a disorder. Did my belief tree grow into a dead end? Is it a game over or do I go somewhere from here

>>86271

womanhating nazi kike!

>>86612

Not feeling love for anyone sounds boring as fuck.

>>86612

I'm sorry man, but that sounds kind of horrible and unfair to me. I think you got it all wrong my friend…

You don't deserve not to experience love and life to the fullest, just because of some random assholes from your «imaginary past» bullied you. Wtf? That makes no sense at all. It only makes sense in a primal, survival way.. But that's not the dimension we live in.

I think you should allow yourself to at least try. Out of the sake of beating and overthrowing those bad memories.

I mean are those bullies from your past so important to you that you can't live one present day without thinking about it? What, do you love them? This -present- moment is all there is, and it's your choice how you wanna experience it. Do you think that you're trully happy this way, and that you wont regret or even need to experience or have experienced all the great things life has to offer?

I feel you more than you'll ever know, OP. I had a similar teenage relationship.

I think about killing myself over her all the time. I find myself doing horrible things out of spite against the world because I miss her so much.

I can't stop thinking about her. I miss her. I'd do anything…

There isn't a deeper hell. Even when I was thrown in front of a speeding truck and left to crawl for 250 yards in the mud with a broken leg, all I could think about was, "At least this didn't hurt as bad as…"

Go and find her. Maybe you can fix her. Maybe you still have a chance.

>>86267

Mankind must be careful as it begins to see aspects of all worlds. One must remember, in this life we are human. A flawed, fleeting little thing in the grand scheme of things but here we are either way.

The human body acts in silly ways that counteract it's own happiness in sake of satiating basic instincts that nearly every animal faces on this planet. Does that necessarily make them wrong? No, of course not. It's just something the body seeks out. So long as one can keep a healthy mentality on the matter; one can adjust, learn, cope, and reason with life as this strange mammalian shell.

Personally I feel people–in search of their ultimate essence amidst the cosmos–forget that we, ourselves, are still in human shells. Everything happens for a reason. We must not forget, but we must also not be resilient to understanding and living as a regular human. What sin is orchestrated by taking a lover? By rounding out one's understanding of bliss?

True, hard work is not always rewarded on this strange little rock. Forces pushing in one direction means equal forces pushing against you. The very existence of this reality is a paradox. So, why fight the paradoxical nature of the reality? Why not mesh with it and serpentine your way from point A) to B) with your understanding?

Or am I mistaken, and sitting amidst the blind once again as deaf men tell their stories of heroism to each other?

>>86267

I guarantee it's entirely bullshit. She took advantage of you. You probably were abused in some way to make the feeling so intense that you'd essentially kill yourself for a parasite. I'm guessing they were perceived as some sort of ally that saved your life for such an equivalence to form.

Remember your purpose is always yourself then your symbiotes. If anything violates this rule, you should escape.

>>86638

Yeah, the trope in the movies is that person in my situation should be holding a grudge against the bullies and be upset at the world. But reality is more complex. I understand well the mechanisms according to which bullies acted and I know it's not their or my fault. We came from different nurture and nature and it was inevitable our different energies had to interact this way. I didn't feel as much need to express my will-to-power outside in the world, while they relied on it a lot.

The awareness of the various energies interacting developed as my defense mechanism that provides me with comfort. For this reason I'm not upset and I hold no grudge to anyone. In this sense I'm even grateful for the bullies because, after all, it's the bullies that pushed me to this path of blissful awareness.

That I'm not interested in relationships is the side effect of that. Why would I go great lengths to get a girl, career to support family etc? I can feel love on demand just through becoming aware of universe/god. This is how I'm wired. Interacting with women feels very formal and there is no connection, no love. No need to conquest them. I derive my will-to-power from awareness of the systems (god).

The bullies suffer more than me now. I'd like to help them by teaching them this hack they contributed in developing in me. But then I become aware I have this desire because of my will-to-power, and the moment I realize it I'm granted neurotransmitter high.

Do you get it? It's an endless loop of satisfaction with no effort. A disgusting hack I could only escape with extremely powerful experience or manipulation of belief system through advanced chaos magick.

>>86651

You're brainwashed. You've merely found another way to masturbate. Your tormenters left their mark on you and you can't see it.

The game is survival. The point of men and women is procreation. Sometimes there's a connection beyond the raising of a family. It isn't necessary, but can enhance the experience.

It's not really a big deal outside its function. Which you've clearly failed to grasp. You're stuck in the mindset of the abused child. A woman and child are foreign to you because you haven't even begun to look after yourself.

>>86655

I've thought about your post for good 30 minutes because it's important issue to me, but I can't really figure out what you mean exactly. Maybe because our belief systems are so fundamentally different. Can you rephrase what I'm missing? Meanwhile I explain what I think you meant.

>The game is survival. The point of men and women is procreation.

Survival/expression of power/procreation are our biological purposes in the sense that our bodies and minds are designed to be rewarded with pleasure when we contribute to fulfilling this purpose.

We're programmed to survive and procreate by the universe. This is what you meant, right?

I think I understand how it works because I'm able to derive pleasure from things like music, jokes, ideas, literature, fap, eating healthy etc. So, men want to marry and have a child because it feels good, right? And when they are alone or separated from their woman, they feel sad.

You see, I don't feel sad about being alone. It's not a matter of failing to grasp something. I just don't feel sad, that's it. I mean, there could be some invisible entity in me that is hiding the fact I'm feeling sad… but it doesn't change the fact that from my perspective I don't feel sad. I also don't feel sad about having no skills, which is even weirder I guess..? I also don't care about dying, which I imagine isn't normal. But then again, it's not something I really choose to feel. It's automatic and emerged out of my belief systems that seem grounded in logic (evolutionary awareness, spirituality, scientific method).

Is there something I should try?

>>86661

I never said you should feel sad. Though it would be helpfulif you did. Strong emotions stand out like a beacon for where the unconscious mind has taken over and can be fixed. It would also motivate you to fix it.

However, lack of emotion is also an unconscious reaction. So too are recurring memories of bullies and things.

If you are motivated to fix them, you can consciously stimulate them until they become normal memories rather than reflex, "must not feel", responses or whatever.

You could read something like Berserk to stimulate them, too. As long as you are conscious and living down the reactions, they fade.

I suspect the baseline should be like any other sense. Like taste or touch, they don't overwhelm or disappear, but are more information. Your human body should be wanting for family if it wasn't cowering.

I don't put much stock into the pleasure theory of everything. There seem to be whim and will, too. Also inherent quality and humor to life.

If there is one guiding principle to life I'd say it's survival of the self then symbiotes. Anything not approaching immortality is malfunction.

>>86676

This TROM book on dianetics looks promising, but I'm deciphering it whole day today and have difficulties understanding the premise.

Is this model basically dealing with the emotional desires that the self expresses to reinforce or deny ideas in others? The system that makes every soul desire to influence the inter-subjective reality, to change the narrative?

Do I get it right in the brackets?

1. Make known (reinforce that something is true and important?)

2. Make not-known (deny something is true and important?)

3. Know (to believe something is true and important?)

4. Not-know (to believe something is true and important?)

So for example:

1. To spread the meme that career is important.

2. To spread the meme that career is not important.

3. To believe career is important.

4. To believe career is not important.

And the purpose of exercises is to analyze and deprogram emotional urges that make one spread the memes. Am I right?

>>86612

>closing myself down after 3 years of bullying 8 years ago

>For example, I don't fear death even a little bit.

I'm in a similar situation. Except I was somewhat depressed during 3 or 4 years of bullying. In the end I got somewhat used to it. It made me insecure but I was able to get over it by thinking to myself that I can't change something that has already happened so I shouldn't worry about such things. Then I started thinking the same about death. And now I'm thinking in a similar way about future things- Let's just wait for it happen, and then no matter what happens I won't be able to change them once they have happened. If I won't like the outcome there's always death.

>>86716

This is extremely helpful to my case that there's someone in a similar situation.

I think the personalities we've developed can be very well summed up here:

http://www.clearing.org/cgi/archive.cgi?/homer/act54.memo

The has of a person who had their drive deprogrammed.

>I was able to get over it by thinking to myself that I can't change something that has already happened so I shouldn't worry about such things.

I believe it's the key. I provide my understanding of this whole thing in this post. I don't know if you came to similar conclusions.

There's the territorial reward center in every human. You can call it Nietzschean will-to-power or solar plexus chakra. It's concerned with domination and submission. Every human possesses a drive to express his power outside in the world. Males especially. Together with desire to survive and socio-sexual center, the will-to-power forms the motivational life force that always pushes forward.

High school is the time when this force is especially strong, especially in completely unregulated eastern european countryside high school like mine. Biological prime to mate, kids from families with masculine men with strong will-to-power centers or abused kids from alcoholic families. Everyone wants to express their will-to-power in this time and reinforce their self-esteem, position in the group, show off to girls etc.

The streams of will-to-power have fantastic ability to find the least path of resistance of expression. Individuals with weaker will-to-power streams are seeked out instinctively by the collective, and then the will-to-power is expressed on them. It benefits the attackers as they receive pleasure and their self-esteem is strengthened. The receiving individual is being feed on. His will-to-power is stifled by others. Over 3 years, 5 hours a day it's overbent. The collective has remarkable ability to instinctively organize themselves. The school personnel is on it too.

The target sets up various defense strategies to cope like accepting it and forgiving the bullies. But acceptance and submissiveness even further damages the target's will-to-power structure. Giving up will-to-power is giving up life force that fuels ambition, care for future, desire to be in relationship, desire to survive etc. The neural connections just aren't there. The target derives will-to-power from sources like intellectualization, detached awareness, victimhood and generally from inside rather than outside (forcibly inverted circuit). There's actually not that much suffering or grief. Great happiness can be found in music or even reading Wikipedia articles. It can even become extremely euphoric happiness as there is sense of complete freedom, no responsibility. All injustice in the world is fine, because it's just territorial forces or some other forces interacting in a beautiful dance. Even wars or cataclysms are fine. Death is thought of very casually, kinda like a joke. Great sense of power and security is derived from the fact that one can always escape the game they don't want to play with suicide.

The universe literally sets up the belief structures of damaged life-force vessel in a way to make him find suicide fun. Oh, how beautiful of a system is that?! It's a complex system self-regulating itself by destructing the inefficient ones. I'm so glad I could experience this.

>>86708

You're close enough. I'm not entirely sold on the spirit stuff, but as it applies to the unconscious mind, it is to deprogam the losses/overwhelms accrued through life.

The first exercises I believe the direct you to face down anything producing charge (emotion/discomfort). They tell you to erase, but they really mean know it consciously in all its detail by reliving or breaking pieces until its ordinary memory. If you observe, they will fit the game states. They are most likely trivial now, so they just turn to trivial win/loss memory, and cease to be enforced by the unconscious mind.

The rest of it is stimulating the more difficult to recall memories for erasure by systematically reconstructing the lost games.

I haven't finished it myself. It changed me so much already that I am able to pursue my own desires. People call me a cyborg because trivial things no longer matter at all to me. It's only the mission now.

Is it possible to somehow control a woman's mind/will?

Make them like you - the most basic thought, everybody would like to know.

(I't doesn't matter what does one practice, this idea is always around.)

You say that you helped build her up, but look at where she is now. You say that you live a happy life, but do you really?She will always have a place within your subconscious. Don't let the idea of her gain any power over you. Make her the symbol of your past. Don't go backwards. Go on new adventures and trust your gut feeling. Agreeing with the other comment about the solar plexus chakra:: take care of your digestive cycle ( keep your core strong in all aspects ). It might last more than 4 years, I can't tell you how long. Just put yourself first and keep moving forward

>>86661

Anon, no one said that one case is better than another, but some kind of balance between them is the ideal.

Of course people shouldn't just look at relationships, sexual things, and specially other people for happiness. Because this way you'll probably never find it, happiness starts with you. So in that way, you did good.

But, despite the fact that to you, your life and your reality matter most, how we serve others and how we make them feel is also very important for our development, theirs and the worlds. Because essentially everybody is also you.

It's good that you accomplished self-love and loving being alone and having real hobbies, for in this life that's all you need to manage and have a good time, but if you stick with those «limitations» that you set for yourself, you'll probably never find out (in this lifetime) all that you could've been. So think what really would you like to do with your life that you haven't already done, and if it feels right, start by that… And all this goes for me too.

>>86730

Can you give some examples you applied to these 8 points or at least explain if my thinking is right? I read the book over and over but I can't resonate with the "know" thing. Can I replace "know" with "believe" in this model eg.

"Forcing to be believed"? (as in Me forcing to be believed among people that fight is not the way to resolve conflict).

Or even better would be "exercising will-to-power on someone instead of "forcing to know". Or in other words, "infringing on someone's will-to-power".

1 Forced to know.

2 Preventing from being known.

3 Prevented from knowing.

4 Forcing to be known.

5 Forced to be known.

6 Preventing from knowing

7 Prevented from being known.

8 Forcing to know.

I lost a game of chess when I was 7 and cried. Does it count as point 1 on the list "I was forced to know I was worse"? Is this how it works? And then point 2 could be me telling someone the idea of god as a conscious person is retarded? Point 3 - being told I'm stupid? Then I don't know how point 4 is different from point 2. It seems like forcing a belief onto someone just like in point 2.

>>86774

Those are the original four game sates followed through a single game. You occupy one valence and something takes the opposing. You can try breaking them down that way yourself to see if you get results.

They are very general so they hit a lot of content. Most content I find is a complex of these game states. What's important is that the content becomes conscious and erased/discharged. This frees you to decide what you want to do instead of being dictated by your unconscious mind.

I find it hard to believe you are on level 4 already. Someone seeking help in these threads is obviously experiencing some loss of control to their unconscious mind that should be producing charge. It took me days to wipe everything obvious at that stage. It was a lot of stupid stuff.

everyone is just a skeleton

>I went through it all, guided by bad feelings calling them all up, clearing all the active stuff like the TROM practical says.

9 years ago in high school I was bullied. I would come home every day and relive the bullying by lying in bed and fantasizing about being bullied. It was comforting. Now, how was this different from clearing?

I do the exercises now and its the same thing as back in high school after coming home. It produces emotions like it always had. Pressure in chest. Hot flushes in legs (obvious sign of testosterone lowering). Crying.

However, its something Ive been doing in the past a lot… does it really change anything? Because I know I am not clear.

Also, I know well how one could go insane with it. There's this odd romantic comfort in pain of losing games after a while, and this feeling of comfort has traces of insanity in it. Ever seen self-depracating me_irl memes? This community is connected with tumblr and liberal spheres. Its a different kind of insanity than the narcissistic right-wing one, in case of which men beat other men, women or children to get high on power. Here, you actually giggle to yourself like the stereotypical madman, give up on eveeything, and are euphoric with these huge round eyes. I swear one of these days, if I dont clear myself, I'll lose one game too many and snap, then drive into some building laughing to myself

>>86991

With regard to the madness. People really do enforce the things they've been forced to know. I know there are people still living like I'm tormenting them. They probably have no idea it's me whispering those ideas from their subconscious mind. They probably don't consciously think about me because it hurts too much.

I imagine the situation you describe arises as they consciously admit defeat to the impulse of their unconscious mind. They have no idea how to stop the insanity they see themselves commit everyday.

I still feel something about forcing these things on them. It wasn't fair being served to me as toys for my own development. Beaten by their parents then left with me making them know how stupid, weak, and inferior they were. It may be why I bother sharing this stuff at all. That or Robin Williams.

>>86267

Love refers to a lot of things. Some of it's base chemistry, and opiate addiction's not far off.

But there's more to it, or to the general principle it points to. It's fractal; there's always another level. The fact alone that atoms bind is enough of that affinity principle for a whole universe; how much more so that there is such a thing as intersubjectivity in mankind?

You can feel that particular love you're missing any time you like, in your memories, and long after your memories decay and the world falls to dust and the stars burn out there will still be a permanent record of it, every moment of it, because that's what the pleroma is – the permanent record. It's a single, static object into which your little thread is woven.

By the end of that thread, you will discover experiences of love so profound that the whole length of your love with that lady you lost will seem little. The whole thing will just seem like a metaphor for what was coming next, a prefiguration.

As a token, be it said, you will find her in sunlight.

Just you wait and see.

>>87006

Is there a chance I'm actually damaging myself further with this? Because it very much feels as if I was sado-masochistically wiggling a metaphoric knife in my sternum area. What I'm essentially doing is making myself feel worthless and fantasizing of getting bullied again. It also brings fantasies of getting bullied so much that I let go in the bliss of insanity. The fantasies fo insanity seep through if I arouse myself long enough. Is this actually how it's supposed to be?

Also, mind keeps showing me pleasurable fantasies which can't be memories. Eg. I have a girl in my lap and I'm massaging a sore point in her sternum area/upper chest as she's wiggling in the bliss of absolute worthlesness and despair. At other times, Im at work moving some packages (I never had a job, Im at Uni) and at work I snap and go insane. My mind also manafactures memories for the sake of feeling stronger emotion eg. my crush feeling pity for me or laughing as Im hold and beaten in high school. While similar situations happened and I was indeed humilitated and beaten every day, it was never so dramatic and over-romanticized as in these emotional fantasies.

To be clear, I never had desires of self-harm, but this whole process reminds me of teenagers cutting themselves. It feels self-destructive like that. Also the hot flushes I get as if an old woman at menopause losing her hormones and libido is worrying

l'd usually try to affirm myself of being strong the past years and yet here I am again, reinforcing worthlesness, almost masturbating myself with it like in high school.

I am asking because Im scared of doing the opposite of my goal. When people use expression "wallow in self loathing" dont they mean exactly what I am doing?

>>87013

the purpose is the obstacle

if you're looking to change then keep with it; hurt yourself if it takes you further why the fuck not? Not everything's gonna feel good but it won't last forever so get through it and figure out if it was worth it

those cleansing exercises have some truth to 'em even if they're rigid and wordy. You have to come to terms with the things you don't want to look directly at. Sounds like you wanna change with further introspection but is that all you really need at this time?

Not to make assumptions but you mentioned a lot about relationships and stuff maybe your inner voice is trying to get you laid. Sometimes a person needs someone else to fill whatever void they have

We seem pretty similar like I think I understand pretty much where you're coming from and I might have been on that precipice before except I ended up on the chaotic side cause I'm selfish and still dragging myself along this road but I think you won't because you do cool things like willingly ask for help which I still have trouble with to be honest

I also recommend psychedelics cause that's another great way to conquer some negative cyclical thinking

>>86271

Heartbreak is one way to learn what it is to be a man, to learn the foolishness of love and the way women are

>>87017

>Sounds like you wanna change with further introspection but is that all you really need at this time? Not to make assumptions but you mentioned a lot about relationships and stuff maybe your inner voice is trying to get you laid. Sometimes a person needs someone else to fill whatever void they have

I'd have to clear first, at least a little bit. I can explain why if you want, but I just assume it won't help to talk about it here. And besides, all I have to say is actually the demon of my reactive mind talking. I feel not good enough and being aware of it with my analytical mind doesn't change that much.

Instead I have a question about this "importance repair" exercise on the first level.

Every time I push eg. "to know" in my mind and go through emotions, I then should do the importance repair of the exactly same importances, right? I understand it's a safety measure so I don't accidentally uninstall my goals and end up with no meaning (depressed). Do I get it right?

In case I provide the only five importances I have from most important to the least:

- to clear myself, get rid of the programs of my reactive mind

- have access to food, water, shelter

- have access to the Internet for study and music

- eat healthy/exercise

- finish last semester of useless studies for the sake of my parents

Thanks for books. Thankfully my subconscious feels they're important for its survival, pays attention to them, and I have no problems devouring them at a fast pace

>>87013

You should have no doubt of improvement if you've run a memory to completion. It will be harmless in your memory. You can look at it again to test it.

Be certain to run each memory idividually to completion. If you leave them hyper stimulated you will feel like shit. Especially if you stimulate multiple memories. I run them from start to finish, feel them, lose interest, then move on.

>>87025

The danger is leaving your reactive mind running wild since you were digging around in there. Importance repair is to return you to, hopefully improved, baseline. It can be pretty much anything. I think TROM suggests making landscapes or something. It's dull but it does take the mind off things. I guess you could explicitly replace the old directives of your reactive mind, but I don't mind leaving them thought. You may find other uses.

I just crushed everything and moved on. There were some dark times that explicit repair may have helped. Maybe you're more thoughtful.

You don't need to worry about breaking yourself while working with memories. You should find you're more free. I find myself laughing at all the petty things I used to feel compulsions about; all the stupid games people invite me to play. They're like ants.

Food was more important than I thought. I ended up eating mainly rice and beef because of the terrible reactions everything else had, but I was blind to before. I used to be a real bastard when I was hungry, too, but I've mostly cleared it.

>>87025

I forgot to mention to watch out for trances. IR should break them. You should become more sensitive/aware to mental states as you consciously tear your memories down. It's something to look out for; living in a state of aberration.

>>86651

You sound like my double soul

Everything you type sounded as if it was something trying to analyse me

>>86959

> I became the cyborg.

It sounds like you are burying your true self so you can't be hurt again. Sounds like standard trauma behaviour. I mean, as long as you are happy or at least content this way I don't see anything wrong. But please be aware of it. Unlike jewish psychologists I think some memories are best left to rot and decay instead of being necromanced back to life.

>>86991

> I swear one of these days, if I dont clear myself, I'll lose one game too many and snap, then drive into some building laughing to myself

You can do better anon. I am glad that you found something that works for you but consider expanding on that base and growing. You've found this, now you can surely find more to improve yourself.

>>87009

>As a token, be it said, you will find her in sunlight.

>Just you wait and see.

Quite beautiful. Thank you.

>>87013

>Is there a chance I'm actually damaging myself further with this?

I think in the long run it possibly could. But if it works for you right now then you shouldn't pull the rug out from under your feet. Look towards the next steps.

>>87127

Good luck to you too anon. Try to be at peace with yourself and then plan and build from there. I'm sure you will have a rewarding journey.

>>87241

>I think some memories are best left to rot and decay instead of being necromanced back to life.

But how to deal with these memories when they resurface out of the blue and you don't know how to deal with it? Wouldn't it make sense to bring them forth on your accord and neutralize efficiently?

Then again, there is no much junk to deal with in there. Shadow work really seems like something that can go on for an insanely long amount of time, and it seems like something that you can't quit once you start it. Or am I wrong?

>>87241

It's cyborg in the superhuman sense. If you read the books and did the exercises you'd know burying anything is nonsense in every sense of the word. It's simply removing the compulsions of the unconscious mind. If anything, you'll be more true to whatever lie within. People just noticed me not caring about 'normal' insane shit and not flinching at anything and called me cyborg.

What is Jewish is your defense of crippled minds. You will only get better by remembering. It's leaving them in the unconscious that leaves them to rule over the mind. I suspect the true rulers know about this mechanism and much more. They've gone beyond 'training' and into complete aberration to build their human machine. You should read the books if you care about this sort of thing. I believe the 'persuasion experts' were talking about the same mechanisms. Albeit in a more offensive stance. They were more of a meta message. Letting everyone know they were being played while playing them seems to be the ruler's favorite thing.

>>87251

I'm not sure how long it takes. It's a lost community that produced these works. I'd like to see the results of their lifetime worth of practice. I just knock out whatever pops up: babies crying, dogs barking, garbage truck, motorcycle, birds. I really need to eliminate annoying noises from my mind already, but I have yet to do anything so general.

I'm especially curious about their attempts at supernatural results. It seems like they could maintain multiple astral projection/ESP frames while still living their waking human frame, in Self Clearing 2004, but I don't know enough to say for certain. They could all be on drugs for all I know.

>As a token, be it said, you will find her in sunlight.

>Just you wait and see.

I teared up. Fantastic stuff!

>>86271

>That's just real cringe. Boys should be studying and learning how to become men, not being little fuccbois and thinking with their boypucci.

You are exactly whats wrong with men these days, most of them "study" which is nothing more but liberal indoctrination and will come out of it manchild beta cuck, you say boipucci? how about ultra pussified male because of no relationships, no real life experience with women, no idea how to seduce or handle women?.

>>86722

Yeah you should try will to power, as an experiment. As well, will to love, as an experiment.

Also you mentioned "just the mission". To be honest you sound like a SEAL, with the emotional hardening and death fearlessness. Reminds me of me.

You're fine but develop your "will to _anything_" the whole enchilada. Take the "produce wholesomeness" lens for its inherent balance seeking and you have what I'm trying to do. It's my understanding that will to anything is ego, a true information digester and assimilator and implementer, whilst wholesomeness connects this to the eco, another digester and assimilator, but more ancient and time tested and inclusive and all pervasive. Really the ego is eco and it's a matter of the individual and the kingdom… but maybe you can be king ;-) kek

>>86267

So you don't love her anymore? Your drug addicted ex-girlfriend?

It doesn't sound like you as you are now, have a care, it's only a dream you've had. Maybe you in an 'Enter The Void' style afterlife is dreaming of her because it yearns for that true love, which in this timeline came to die, and couldn't be revived because she fell beneath your status. Or maybe she's thinking of you and your all-knowing soul is showing you in dreams. If she's BPD she might be tearing her hair out over you.

Sort of a light/dark story, you had this great love, then it fell apart, and you both drifted along afterwards, only to dream backwards of each other.

I know what you're talking about OP.

I have lived through the same.

>>86267

Why did you post a picture of NGE?

On another note, there's something in Antarctica.

>>86267

>Here's my backstory to explain my current belief

stopped reading there

learn how to articulate your thoughts so you can more objectively understand your own beliefs so as to at least be able to share them effectively. understanding yourself is actually a big part of learning magick and stuff, so you should work on that before anything high level

>>86267

I doubt you're still in this thread OP but I've had a similar relationship. Dated a girl with BPD, our love felt addictive. I'm assuming you have empathy and are a Highly Sensitive Person. My ex's being takes advantage of my caringness, I see her as somebody who needs help and wanted to provide for her. It isn't really divine love. Just strong dopamine rushes.

Tl;dr: There is no "magnetism," she as a character just takes advantage of your personality quirks

I think the problem is that in order to genially love someone is setting up for your own death/change and alot of people aren't really aware of it. At some point you will have shared so much that you aren't the same people anymore, or you find out they weren't the person they were conveying they were which I think is more common. In your case it sounds like two broken people manage to meet and ease each other pain but untimely one refused to change and the relationship ended. You seem to have realized that you aren't perfect and now you see that it's unfair to drag other people into your problems. Maybe your dreaming about her because you wish that you could have done more? in the end all you can do is what >>86280 said

>There is no love like love for one's self. Keep moving forward, for her, for the world, but mostly importantly for you.