I am pretty much done reading and done with discussing magick.
Fringe started as a research group after I was inspired one day to learn about magick. It started with my quest for understanding. It started when I was confused, unsure of myself, and grasping around in the dark.
Now I don't feel the need to read anymore. I have a thorough grasp of all the principles of magick. At best I feel inclined only to turn back to The Kybalion or another book to refresh and re-center my mind upon a topic and for inspiration but beyond that I'm done. The only extra information there out there still is merely that of history, form, tradition, etc. of the occult (TRIVIA); but there is nothing essential to be gained anymore from these further readings. Everything I need to know, to do anything, I know. All the practical, usable knowledge, that I could gain from third density; it's all embedded strongly into my mind now.
I'm pretty much done with discussion and talking. I am tired of answering the same old questions in an inefficient manner. I feel that to wrap up all these years of careful meditation, experiment, and research I'll just do a series of videos to answer some of the most common questions. Some videos I want to do will at once answer a great many questions.
As far as I'm concerned it is time for Fringe to enter a new phase of development. Everything is known now, everything is revealed. The endless barrage of useless neophyte questions is tedious and inefficient. Everyone should be able to answer just about any of the most common questions for themselves.
I have become depressed as of late that I am at the end of this road already. Somehow, I felt like the process of learning would go on and on, and that the need for dialogues would still always be there – but it's no longer necessary.
If Fringe is to continue to have any meaning to me we must transform its purpose now. However I don't know how to do that, except by bringing all the mundane, all the neophytes, up to our level of understanding so they can begin in earnest the work of magick.
I can answer any question as to how to do anything in magick. Trivia I can't, but trivia is not important, it is just filler.
After I am done giving my final presentation or FAQ on magick, what am I to do with myself?
That is the big question I am faced with right now. I know everything now; so what am I going to do with this knowledge? I continuously feel a lack of purpose in being in this world, and do not feel strongly drawn to any role within it, and even fear that in assuming some given role it will consume my whole life and hinder my spiritual/incarnational progress.
Somehow I am stuck because I haven't the desire to do anything; or rather my desires are so scattered I can not commit myself fully to one thing before I change my mind and want to chase down some other pursuit.
I think I will have to sit in meditation for a few days so that the straight and narrow path may be revealed to me, the one that simultaneously develops many aspects of myself, and lifts me up.
…but then again, I also feel that if I just petition God for help using my usual method, everything will be arranged immediately for me to develop myself.
I also know a way to bring higher knowledge into this world and if the role of teacher were to hold enough attraction to me, if you wanted me to be a mouthpiece of the divine, I could do it. I would prefer not to do; because all you can for yourselves establish this connection to the divine and receive from God, The All, whatever is needed to be known by you and which suits your unique purpose in being here. I might, if I want to put the nail in the coffin of Fringe (in its current form), gather to me the astral light and ask of God to reveal to me a book to end all the discussion on here. I may very well just do this, if such a measure gains the approval of some of the vets of Fringe here, and it's not just a wasted effort (pearls before swine). Otherwise I would prefer to end my service to the community of seekers, and set myself instead firmly on the road of personal-attainment, and the realization of new conditions of life more suited to my being.
One other great problem I have continued to be faced with is that I am so alone. Without someone to witness me, I feel like my life has no meaning, like I can wield these incredible powers and there is nobody to appreciate me for it. Day after day I just pass by, filling in time, wanting to sleep, tired of my life. It doesn't matter that I've moved objects by my will. It doesn't matter that I have had fantastic, beautiful visions, and seen the connections between life, energy, and mater. It doesn't matter that I have experienced other bodies and minds and personalities. All the cool shit I can do doesn't fucking matter, because it is done, and it passes, and all the people in this world remain where they are in their personal stage of development and proceeding at the pace that fits them, and I am too far advanced beyond everyone to have any relevance in their lives. Those that I can call my peers have shrank greatly in number.
It is making me wonder if I should throw the full force of my will into dragging through intense synchronicity someone into my life to share my continued ascent with. I need someone who is on my level of understanding, or who can be quickly brought to it, and who isn't antagonistic towards me… someone redpilled and with a similarly firm grasp of the greenpill to be with. Maybe it should be a man and not a woman, less a woman drags me into the spiritual mud, but I don't know.
I have been searching for someone but all who have answered the call have proven themselves to be supremely ignorant or even hostile to magick. I feel on an intuitive level, right away, before even reading their emails a kind of revulsion towards them.
I don't know what to do except grind on and give one last summary of magick for you all. After that I think that, if I fail to find someone to work with, I might as well resign myself to a very much inactive role on /fringe/ only signing in and doing administrative work as need be. Maybe appoint someone as a middle-man between myself and the general populace, who can bring to my attention anything on the board that needs to be known by me, so I may focus more of my time elsewhere.
I'm going to stick to my pledge concerning 2018. I have a great desire to die now, and if by the time I'm 25 I still feel this profound sense of Earth having nothing to offer me, I am going to just dissolve myself, leave, or otherwise purge myself from all these things which are undesirable to me.
Nobody NEEDS me. If they "need" me at all, it's to play a lesser role than what I am capable of, and that is not acceptable to me. It is like the highly educated man resigned to working a cash register. I wish I had someone that wanted and needed me to go the full distance, whose desires would focus my will, and give a sense of urgency to my work.
It feels silly to have to create the need for me but it's looking like that's the only solution here; besides simply leaving Earth, leaving this sphere of consciousness, leaving this body and mind. I have to create the problem, the reaction, and the solution … or else play along with a God that seems to have assigned to me a role that insults my true greatness and which does not grant me any dignity or love. If that's all that is to be demanded of me, if I am just here to be a mediocre cog, or a cosmic joke, then I must reject that role. Don't tell me I am worthless or that I should not have such advanced desires, and start talking about over-blown egos or whatever bullshit, any created thing must feel the internal-pressure of conforming to its true archetypal greatness. The cat must strive to be the finest example of a cat there is, the true-born craftsman must reach the peak of his art, I am wasting my time on Earth if I just live in brutal mediocrity.
The retard is easily content. I am restless, for I am nowhere near my place of rest.
I should just do it; kill the original purpose of Fringe. Put an end to the questioning. Reveal in condensed form, very simply, all that you need to know to get on with your life and true will. Then assume a role of passivity on here, ceasing to post if there is no real compelling reason to do so anymore.