Me The Indigopill Riding The Waves of Death 07/18/16 (Mon) 04:22:20 No. 80173 [Last 50 Posts]
Not sure if I can even post on here anymore or not but I really need help. I don't know why but everything is just freaking me the fuck out right now and causing me to scream inside my mind to kill myself. Messages like "end it now, end the cycle, don't let it go on, stop the nightmare" etc. going through my mind. I don't even know why I'm thinking these thoughts right now. Earlier in the day I became hyper lucid and I saw an amazing book, a complete book, with my mind's eyes… many chapters within it and it was an amazing book that was all about thoughtforms and advanced knowledge concerning them, it was akin to a very well-laid out science, that makes all the other books I have as physical or digital copies in third density seem at best introductory and at worst the half-wrong speculations of people who don't know what they're talking about. I experienced some other strange, mind-melding things, in which my thoughts were joined with many other great streams of thought and I felt powerfully shaken within my soul as parts of my mentality mixed up with so many coming and going currents of thought.
As an aside; over the last year or two for a very long time I invoked fire, then for a very long time water, than air… now Earth. The Earth element is making me feel infinity ahead of me, feeling solid, feeling ready to stand firm as I turn to stone and so much time passes. It restores strength to me that was depleted by the previous elemental imbalances. It threatens however like the other elements to absorb me into its nature and leave me slumbering for aeons absorbed into the greater spiritual body.
My soul is so lose that I feel my presence outside of my body constantly, I feel myself melding with my environment and with others, like so much water… I feel a stranger to my own thoughts and convictions many times, many times only pressing forward because it is an exercise of the will, even as I feel the psychic energies I have invested in various ideas surging in and out like vacuums that purge themselves and refill again.
My body keeps warping every 6-8 hours approximately. There are significant changes to my skin, my hair, my eyes… it doesn't matter if it's observed in the same light and same conditions it keeps changing. Now I'm at a point of my bone structure changing too. I feel the changes going deeper and deeper into me and the thought occurred to me today there is no good or evil, only sacrifice and gain. Everything has its price, everyone pays.
Not long ago I did an intense death ritual to help more die in Turkey. When I was done I looked at myself and my eyes were sunken with very dark circles under them, my skin was clammy and dead-like and infected, and I trembled as water dripped from my hair and felt complete disgust and horror at my visage. I felt exhausted of so much that made me burn with anger before, and considered the whole matter to be a distraction, something unworthy of my time and a trap. I felt disgusted with politics and fell into another trance and my mind again melded and was seemingly put through a reset. In only a day I recovered, more angelic-like than ever before, so beautiful…
I have felt myself able to ask anything of the demiurge now. I feel myself unbounded, a droplet awake within the ocean, able to move with a greater freedom by exchanging aspects of my identity and pumping more of these greater currents through my mental self. I feel deranged, mad, because my view is not so limited as to the perspective of a human anymore. My purpose is not to be human anymore. Every animal acts out its nature, every man does the same, and there is no fault to be found in him pursuing what nature intended for him… but I am detached, unbounded, more than human. I am death without forgetting, death without being absorbed back into the human nature. It feels like a very painful miracle that I am not yet dead in the conventional sense, and I fear that I may never die that way, as intervention after intervention keeps me here pulsing with satisfaction and despair.
The overwhelming feeling or compulsion that I am constantly receiving is that my present existence is one of unnecessary inferiority and that I can not waste my time. I feel pain at occupying myself with so much that fails to measure up to the beauty of what is possible. I feel that I must bring into manifestation far superior ways of being, better technology, and better ways of thinking… but so much threatens to consume me. Games, women, work, mundanes… if I settle for anything less than what is my true birthright I will end up completely dissatisfied.
I have to die to be reborn. I know the way. I just need rest now, why can I not rest, and everything be well for a time?
____________________________
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07/18/16 (Mon) 04:23:27 No. 80174
>Not sure if I can even post on here anymore or not but I really need help.
This part is not for /fringe/ btw. Ignore it. None of you can console me. I will become a shapeshifter.
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07/18/16 (Mon) 04:24:30 No. 80175
If anyone wants to know one of the chapters in the book I saw via astral-vision, it was "Mental Metal" and it had to do with analogy between metals and certain principles that govern thoughtforms.
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07/18/16 (Mon) 04:30:56 No. 80177
Strange occurrence at the moment, worts are appearing over my right-thumb for no apparent reason, which weren't there just an hour ago.
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07/18/16 (Mon) 04:39:29 No. 80182
My hair has turned from light blond to red at present.
I've cut some of my hair off but it's sealed away right now. I wonder if it keeps changing when it's cut off from me or not.
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07/18/16 (Mon) 05:07:45 No. 80196
I want to paint what I see to illustrate certain realities of magick for those who do not see. I want to create a representation of the soul and its activities. I'm not sure I have the skill at present for it though, maybe I should find someone who can illustrate better than me, and then describe it to them and leave them to paint/illustrate it.
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07/18/16 (Mon) 05:14:28 No. 80199
>My body keeps warping every 6-8 hours approximately. There are significant changes to my skin, my hair, my eyes… it doesn't matter if it's observed in the same light and same conditions it keeps changing. Now I'm at a point of my bone structure changing too. I feel the changes going deeper and deeper into me and the thought occurred to me today there is no good or evil, only sacrifice and gain. Everything has its price, everyone pays.
pic?
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07/18/16 (Mon) 06:02:33 No. 80202
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07/18/16 (Mon) 06:03:11 No. 80203
>>80199
Pics don't prove shit and I'm having some outbreaks of diseases I've been chasing around my body. Every time I fix it (patch it over), it moves to another spot. I'm going to have to evoke an entity and retain a stable connection with said entity for hours and do some serious operations to caste off these diseases for good. I'm going to get someone else's help in a few days if my plans go right to help stabilize me.
I will possibly start taking pictures anyways when the changes become far more dramatic. At present it's just not extreme enough for my liking. I also do these observations under controlled conditions (indoors, artificial light source) and it's not the best for photos to be taken, it's rather too dim, and the best cameras I have don't capture details of colour and threads of hair quite right.
Pics don't prove shit, I put myself into a sceptical state of mind, and I wouldn't believe my own evidence; anyone will just say it's either photo manipulated or it's different-lighting or it's dyes or other shit. Might also claim I'm using older pictures even when I just take a picture or that I fucked with exif data.
The more important thing to focus on is how I'm doing this. I'm doing it by deep control over my cells, interfacing with the subconscious, controlling bioelectric energy, changing how parts of my body behave and what hormones are released, etc. and I'm using trancework mostly for it with some thoughtforms here and there.
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07/18/16 (Mon) 06:04:16 No. 80204
>>80202
Are pics really that important to you? I suggest waiting until I can catch on film the changes, when I can do it so fast that you can observe within say a 15 minute timespan (max I can upload on youtube) obvious changes taking place.
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07/18/16 (Mon) 06:11:38 No. 80205
>>80203
I want to see if your face changed, smiley.
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07/18/16 (Mon) 06:22:57 No. 80207
>>80205
What aspects of my face do you want to see if they changed? It's mostly my skin that's changing right now and it's utterly fucked right now. Give me more time, these observations are significant, but still really small stuff. *I am ashamed of how I look at present too, I keep swinging between very loathsome appearances, and looking really good.*
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07/18/16 (Mon) 06:30:52 No. 80209
Weirdest thing that happened about a week ago btw was a BIG WHITE DOT appeared for about a minute on my right-wrist, as if all the blood drained from the area temporarily, making it extra white and forming that dot. That was during a period however of intense abduction phenomena. I've lately been getting pretty much all the symptoms of abduction, very frequently, and having so much blood in my nose and mouth.
I have been doing lots of pranayama for a few days now and it's had amazing effects. It can change around mental states, uncramp extremely hurt muscles, and more. I think I have even FINALLY attained a way of accumulating vital energy through these breathing exercises too, which is so important, as I'd had no effective methods for doing so; and it allows me to beat back really depressive mental states and lethargy within about 10 minutes. My breathing is also more clear than ever.
Please harass me to finish reading PME btw anytime you think you see me posting.
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07/18/16 (Mon) 06:31:30 No. 80210
>>80207
Take photo of both appearance.
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07/18/16 (Mon) 06:34:44 No. 80211
Why not kill yourself and steal a kid's body like bardon did?
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07/18/16 (Mon) 06:42:05 No. 80212
>>80211
Well, do you want me to do so? Right now?
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07/18/16 (Mon) 06:46:08 No. 80216
>>80212
Yeah. But don't forget to take picture of yourself.
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07/18/16 (Mon) 06:47:04 No. 80218
>>80216
I can't do that but I can livestream this shit. Tinychat?
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07/18/16 (Mon) 06:48:17 No. 80220
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07/18/16 (Mon) 06:51:42 No. 80225
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07/18/16 (Mon) 06:53:51 No. 80228
Where the fuck are you? What's taking so long?
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07/18/16 (Mon) 06:55:12 No. 80230
>>80228
I am on my phone, give me a sec.
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07/18/16 (Mon) 07:01:57 No. 80233
I have been 10 fucking minutes now since I posted the tinychat link and you're still not in here. If I'm going to do this, there can't be a huge fucking delay, it just has to be snap and it gets done. Sorry dude, this whole thing is off, they're going to visit me and intervene now it's too late. A message in case they're reading; I ain't gonna do shit today, if you want to talk to me, talk to me via email or phone don't bother visiting.
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07/18/16 (Mon) 07:02:55 No. 80234
Fuck you faggot, fuck you and your discouraging posts, and your mocking. I KNOW I wield amazing power. I shouldn't end my life right now, I'm just getting started. I'm going to make something of myself. You'll see. Fucking prick.
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07/18/16 (Mon) 07:04:57 No. 80236
If you meant to help cure me of depressive and suicidal thoughts you've done it. I am motivated now and angry at your mentality.
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07/18/16 (Mon) 07:06:01 No. 80237
Chances are I'll be able to ride this anger a good 12-18 hours before I need to get another round out of you and feel the need to be better than you again.
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07/18/16 (Mon) 07:10:48 No. 80239
>>80233
I just got in the chat.
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07/18/16 (Mon) 07:11:34 No. 80240
>>80234
>I KNOW I wield amazing power.
Sure you do. ;) ;)
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07/18/16 (Mon) 07:13:06 No. 80241
>>80240
Do you seriously, actually, believe that I don't? Like really?
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07/18/16 (Mon) 07:14:46 No. 80242
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07/18/16 (Mon) 07:15:18 No. 80243
btw tinychat seem down for me
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07/18/16 (Mon) 07:18:09 No. 80244
>>80237
>feel the need to be better than you again.
WOW, you sure do wield AMAZING power that you need to make fun of a fedora autist to feel better.
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07/18/16 (Mon) 08:37:18 No. 80248
>>80244
Man fuck off with your bullshit, you're obviously a wizard, and a reasonably skilled one at that; but I am still better than you.
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07/18/16 (Mon) 09:16:54 No. 80252
>>80248
>but I am still better than you.
Surely you're a very powerful and a better wizard than me that you have to announce it on /fringe/.
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07/18/16 (Mon) 09:36:22 No. 80255
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07/20/16 (Wed) 16:17:00 No. 80372
>>80204
These changes aren't taking place because you will them to, they are a response to the drastic realignment of your thoughts, and emotions attached to said thoughts.
Your death ritual changed you, you're no longer purplepill mett8.
Your aura is rebooting and all physical traits representing new values are manifesting.
You did great in kickstarting this but it will eventually settle, you won't get that video. I strongly recommend you try to settle as positively as possible.
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07/20/16 (Wed) 16:22:05 No. 80373
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07/20/16 (Wed) 16:33:46 No. 80376
Do not just patch those diseases, pull them out from under your skin like leeches, each one and what it represents, cage it and kill it with fire.
Corpse pose, solfreggio sounds of change and love, a part of you will die now.
This is likely also due to you raising Kundalini? I think you overshot the circuits, but that is good, it will be forced to flow over to the next chakra, and the next, but you will go mad for a while dealing with all your imperfections. And afterwards too if you don't manage to fix it.
Do deep breathing in as near perfect lotus as you can. Report on skeletal structure changing.
This is make it or break it, you only got a little crazy last time you didn't follow through.
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07/20/16 (Wed) 17:40:37 No. 80377
>>80373
I am good? *blush*
kawaii desu~<3
but seriously tho
>ur gud.
what did mean by this?
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07/20/16 (Wed) 17:41:04 No. 80378
>>80376
>This is make it or break it, you only got a little crazy last time you didn't follow through.
Do you really think that smiley will actually "make it"?
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07/20/16 (Wed) 17:44:38 No. 80379
>>80173
> over the last year or two for a very long time I invoked fire, then for a very long time water, than air… now Earth. The Earth element is making me feel infinity ahead of me, feeling solid, feeling ready to stand firm as I turn to stone and so much time passes. It restores strength to me that was depleted by the previous elemental imbalances. It threatens however like the other elements to absorb me into its nature and leave me slumbering for aeons absorbed into the greater spiritual body.
Why did you do this?
What did you hope to accomplish with this act?
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07/20/16 (Wed) 21:37:36 No. 80438
>>80377
UR A SICK SMUG CUNT M8
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07/20/16 (Wed) 21:52:29 No. 80439
Root yourself in reality
This is why the single most important occult practice is meditation, just the basic no tough meditation, this meditation make silence inside of you , this will allow the all to tune yourself to reality, remember the all just is and he wants the same for you let him do the tuning and he will help you to stabilise and balance.
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07/29/16 (Fri) 10:29:39 No. 80782
>>80439
yep
find a good anchor
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05/08/17 (Mon) 18:31:16 No. 97560
>>80173
If you attach yourself to any pill then you are under the restrictive influence of Saturn.
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05/08/17 (Mon) 21:04:03 No. 97576
>>80378
he's a pretty good wizard tbh
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05/08/17 (Mon) 21:11:43 No. 97577
>>97576
He doesn't have a job and still lives with his parents. From that alone we are able to deduce the strength of his willpower.
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05/08/17 (Mon) 21:58:17 No. 97580
>>97577
I never said he was a man, I just said he's pretty decorated compared to most of these meme kids. He reminds me of Dusty Female Cat tbh, with the turboNEET and all
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05/08/17 (Mon) 22:00:59 No. 97581
Speaking of Smiley, why the fuck would you pass the board into the hands of a fucking roastie in the event you die, its literally like handing Atlantis over to a tribe of niggers
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05/08/17 (Mon) 22:14:34 No. 97585
>>97580
>pretty decorated
With scars maybe. Everything else is just hot air.
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05/08/17 (Mon) 23:01:15 No. 97591
>>80211
>steal a kid's body like bardon did
wat
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05/09/17 (Tue) 00:58:07 No. 97598
>>97591
Just some fanciful idea from his biography that Franz Bardon's soul was taken from his body when he was a boy, and replaced by the supposed reincarnated soul of Hermes Trismegistus. It is all rather trivial and silly. Novelty occultists eat it up, somewhat in the same light that people flock to read the stories of Crowley's "infamous" deeds.
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05/09/17 (Tue) 01:01:09 No. 97599
>>97598
He literally explains how to merge with The All, in detail, and proceeds to explain what happens after you merge too. How is he not Hermes?
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05/09/17 (Tue) 01:04:47 No. 97601
>>97585
Oh ye of little faith!
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05/09/17 (Tue) 02:06:35 No. 97602
>>97599
Do you not have any discretion when you read or do you take everything literally? Nobody can describe in detail what happens during the marriage with eternity because it is an extremely personal event and concepts of duality fade away leaving behind no language. At most, those in the past would describe the event with symbols or poetry.
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05/10/17 (Wed) 02:16:24 No. 97667
>>97602
>Do you not have any discretion when you read?
Of course I do, f you've read it you'd understand
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05/10/17 (Wed) 02:36:09 No. 97668
>>97667
I have read it. So you believe without any doubt, that Bardon is literally the reincarnation of the mythical Hermes Trismegistus based solely upon how he describes merging with the ALL? That is your discretion?
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05/10/17 (Wed) 05:06:26 No. 97670
>>97668
>>97668
someone is trying to get off on the wrong bus
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04/13/18 (Fri) 14:49:43 No. 118718
>>80439
this is a trap
"root yourself back in false reality the matrix hue hue"
nope, poo you fart hole!
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04/13/18 (Fri) 22:00:05 No. 118740
Man, I wish OP wasn't LARPing. I want to believe.
I need to see someone like that. Living proof that magic is so much more than I can see in it so far.
Please be my friend, OP. I don't care how fucked up you are. I'm fascinated, though part of me tells me I'm naive to believe this is real.
>in b4 OP is already long gone
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04/14/18 (Sat) 13:20:14 No. 118767
>>118740
Master and cultivate your own will, riding on the influence of others will impress their subjective thoughts and ideas onto you.. just a tip
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04/14/18 (Sat) 15:59:15 No. 118771
>>118767
I don't want him as a mentor, it'd just be interesting to have someone like that as a buddy. I have my own will and my own goals.
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04/15/18 (Sun) 08:09:26 No. 118805
>>118740
If you're having trouble shaking off your Western materialism, Supernormal by Dean Radin is a great book that focuses on high-quality peer-reviewed evidence for "paranormal" and psychic phenomena. It's on libgen
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04/15/18 (Sun) 12:07:43 No. 118812
It's a Smiley roleplaying thread. Just let this thread die. He is a liar.
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05/23/18 (Wed) 04:04:11 No. 120407
>>118740
Magic is real. However so is advanced technology that most are unaware of, which often masquerades as magic.
Sadly the twain are not destined to meet, or those in control of said tech shun the old gods, and only invoke their wrath. The next reset of this realm will be their undoing.
"Crashing this plane, with no survivors", indeed.
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05/23/18 (Wed) 08:34:04 No. 120415
>>120407
I love you forever.
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