/fringe/ - Fringe

shit dude meditating would help right, just laying there or sitting and breathing. u can do nothing by browsing the web or watching some bs or playing vidya but that doesnt further you. if you were to decidedly sit there and meditate you may see some help. i wish u the best. good luck

You aren't alone anon.

I know we have probably never met, and I know this is less than I know you need.

But I want you to know, that no matter what, I love you anon. From the core of my essence, the fiber of my being and the bottom of my soul. I Love you. You are loved and no matter what you do, or where you go, I'll be out there somewhere far away, or perhaps right next to you, and I will be loving you with every ounce that I have got.

This world might be cold and dark, and sometimes it feels like it would be better to have naught. Whoever you are, whatever you have done, wherever you have come from and where ever you are headed I take you as you are and I love you with all I've got.

I know there is so much greatness to you, and I know you know it too, and I'll be out there for better or worse, in good times and bad, waiting for you to love yourself as much as I do.

So the next time you walk down the street, or go outside, just know that out there one of those countless faces is me, and I Love you.

Wished I could help.

At least its not your birthdayy

We are helping!

Attune to his negative vibration and resonate the corresponding positive frequency, and help deconstruct this dark pit anon has been trapped in.

>>101061

Anon, with all the remaining strength and force of will to your being, reach out, and listen for us! The dimmest light will illuminate the darkest of lights, we may be far in distance, but we are within you in soul! You need only hear the faintest sound of our hearts and see the flickering light of our souls for you to remember.

For the very same fire burns within your soul, the same symphony rings out from your heart. We are with you always and the same love that may seem far away is right there with you, even in the darkest abyss.

>>101064

I overdo meditation and exhaust myself further. I've large portions of time just laying down but wide awake and filling my mind with various meditations. My imagination also isn't functioning well because I need emotions for that. I can however concentrate on anything for absurdly long periods of time.

>>101075

how about nothingness. im no expert but the pure idea of the void may help. you said

>filling my mind with various meditations

that sounds like mental action whereas i think inaction may help.

>>101081

Maybe you can try a new hobby. Something that you can use your hands or body, and is creative - like learning a musical instrument, painting/drawing, handcrafts, working on a car… Gives you something to do, a focus, an outlet for emotions, a goal and sense of achievement, and maybe you can meet new friends through the hobby.

>>101088

I can't do that, I can't sleep, and can not do shit. A hobby won't make me feel loved. I think it's intense social isolation fucking me up. If it's not that then I don't know what exactly is the issue but I can't really do fuck all right now.

>>101073

>>101071

I focused on the content of these two posts for an entire night btw.

try hugging your mom or someone you know cares about you. other than that cant really help you. The best any of us can do is what >>101071 >>101073 did but I'm not gonna bullshit you or myself by saying I love you. in the same boat as you mostly anyways cant sleep too well try to improve each day, not suicidal but maybe depressed because I don't feel like doing much of anything. Best thing you can do in my opinion is what >>101088 said and find something to busy yourself with or go find some people to talk too. Also dont kill yourself cause that wont accomplish anything, still gonna be facing the same problems.

This probably won't help much, but I'll try. In my experience when you can't eat properly(too hungry or feel sick) eat a little bit of small food(like blueberries(mainly frozen) at a time and drink water, working "your way up" from the smaller foods to something like oatmeal or soup. Later, you can eat more substantial things like canned pasta or microwave meals. Dehydration gives you headaches, and also can make you think that you're hungry when you're actually thirsty(like when you've eaten a lot(to the point where you should be full) and you're still hungry.

Diet(just what you eat, not any special daily/weekly) schedule or anything) helps a lot. I noticed that I feel best when I eat nothing but meat and fish. Of course, that's just me, though.

I've noticed that I get into "cycles" where I initially feel alright, then start to eat/drink less, stay up later(and get to bed late) then feel worse/sluggish the next day, (less inclined to do anything(include eat/drink) and it gets worse and worse. The above is a method to combat this.(also try to get to bed a little bit earlier(like fifteen minutes/a half-hour) each night.

For the "psychological"(/mental) part of it, focus on something that you're skilled in and use it as a source of self-esteem. Or a trait/quality that you have. If there's nothing that you're particularly good at, work on it. Study it and get better. Then use that as a source of self-esteem(like, I can do this, so I can/could also do…[related topic/subject].).

I don't really know how to address loneliness too much, sorry. (I don't have too much of a problem with it(been alone most of the time.) Dogs/cats(some sort of animal) (if you can have one where you live) help. I mainly immerse myself in books. Philosophy and history books are good, and help remind me that this(the current state of our society) isn't the natural, normal state, and there's a different way that things could be(and has been). Also I take heart from the fact that people know this, and that more and more people(it seems) are "waking up".

I really hope you feel better, anon.

>>101097

I know I could feel it.

I know you are fighting it, you let yourself take from it only enough so that you can continue to torture yourself with this dread.

Don't fight it, don't hold back, it is going to hurt. The most painful thing I have ever done was letting go of my inhibitions, my resistance, my defenses, my carefully spun facade, to be, in the rawest and most naked form I can be.

It hurt to think about, to look at, to breath. I tried to lie to myself, that no-one, No-thing, nothing could love a person like me, not even myself. But when I finally gave way and realized that it wasn't weakness to love, it was the most powerful thing I have ever done.

So I say to you anon, shed these parts of yourself, let go of this pain and torture that you have created, drop all your preconceptions, your notions, delusions,and silent motivations.

Be raw, be true, and breathe. Breathe in the pain, the sorrow, the agony, the torment, and when you can't take it anymore, let it go.

You will find that you are not as empty as you seem, it might not feel more than a faint wisp but it is there.

Quickly the next breath will take you over,slightly lighter, the pain, will be lesser, but the void within will fill more as you expel.

Soon the pain, will be less than weight of this growing energy from within.

And with it will come clarity of mind, the pain will not disappear, but eventually what once hurt to be will now hurt to love.

I know it is hard anon, hard to truly let go, it took me years to do it, no lsd or dmt or shrooms could make me see, but one day I let myself love, and I haven't stopped since.

I know that you can too anon, believe me I have done some of the darkest things that a man can do, I have been in that darkness, ingratiated, drowning in my own foul evil.

But I know in my heart that what I have done, and where I have gone, was worth it. I know I can't be there for you the way that you need, and I wish that I could, If i could know that my journey and my love and my pain, could help you too is worth more than I can comprehend. But even if the only person I can save is myself I love that with my all.

Anon, your life is worth more than can be counted, don't hold back, all you need is already within you, your life matters even if the only person you can save is yourself.

I love you, you are loved, you matter so much to me, and once you see it I know you'll love you too.

I am here for you anon, always and forever.

>>101096

Maybe a full-on hobby is too much right now, but keep the idea of finding a suitable hobby in mind. Then keep your awareness attuned, the universe/God will give you suggestions for something you can get into. Not just hobby suggestions, but guidance in general,

I have been thinking of you, and have another idea for you should you choose to try it. Adopt a tree/plant. Acquire a plant that you can look after everyday. Can be in a pot or outside, depending on your circumstances. Something easy to care for is best. Put it in a nice pot. Water it, (perhaps with a special water vessel) care for it, nurture it. Like a mothers love, caring for a child unconditionally, you do it even if you don't feel so well.

Now the daily ritual… Every time you water the plant, imagine the water soaking into the ground, traveling up through the roots, through the plant to the leaves. Sit there quietly and study the plant visually. The way the branches hang, the texture of the leaves… Note any new growth or changes… Imagine the sunlight being absorbed by the leaves giving the plant energy. Breathe onto the plant, give it your carbon dioxide that it needs. Inhale near the leaves, breathe the fresh oxygen that plants give. Talk to the plant if you feel like it. Appreciate the innate beauty of nature. The idea is, soon this appreciation will spread to other things in your life. If the plant dies, plant another one and do the same thing, the process is the important thing. Remember, Buddha tried lots of different things before he became enlightened.

too tired, depressed, sore, and clouded to respond to your posts right now even though I have this thread open and have read your posts

;_;

>>101192

Great that you are still here reading. That is progression. Keep moving. It might be a while before you notice things getting better, or it might not be so long. Things will get better if you keep working, it's inevitable.

>>101114

>But even if the only person I can save is myself I love that with my all.

>psychopath loves him self the most

Your not fooling anyone.

>>101257

>>101257

I understand and respect your feelings.

I will be honest, perhaps I do not know of what I speak. Perhaps this feeling is nothing more than an overflowing gushing fountain of selfish self-centered narcissism.

I have my own reservations, but also I truly cannot explain how incredible whatever it is truly feels, how freeing and empowering, humbling and eye-opening.

Where once was all but shadow, there is light, and heat, warmth and color.

I used to teter between suicidal ideation, apathy and sadistic malevolence.

It was all I knew and all I was.

But no more, and you can think its all bullshit, and you can think its all lies, and hell maybe it is and I don't even know it.

But it doesn't really matter, and it won't change a thing. You might think I'm full of shit, but I don't care you can't make me stop Loving you even if you tried, and at this point I don't feel like I could if I wanted to either and its beautifully terrifying, but it infinitely greater than the abyss and for that it really isn't terrifying at all.

>>101192

Just get some weed broseph, I smoke a tiny bit twice a day and I feel like the fucking heavens are cheering on me

Be happy my friend because well, if you think about it that is what you want. You want to end your suffering , and the right way to do it is to reduce yourself to a simple choice of thoughts, then choose what stream of thoughts do you want to be, then ignore everything else

Not an easy method but that is what I think you do, you just have to force yourself

>>101267

Weed could very well help anon, but it also could hurt him very bad as well.

Weed is a very tricky mistress in its spiritual, psychedelic, entheogenic, and pharmacological effects.

We can't know what or how anon would respond to the weed he gets or what its quality is without being there to read anon and examine the cannabis.

It is a positive idea, but I think anon needs to find the heart, the strength, the love, and soul that is buried deep within him.

>>101064

Meditation can actually make you more awake, depending on what you're meditating on. (like "mind" or "being".) What I'd do is focus on how tired I was while laying in bed("limbs getting heavy") and go to sleep that way.

>>101257

stfu faggot, as someone who is self-loathing / self-hating all the time, being able to at least love myself would be a huge step up from the absolute misanthropy I have been plagued with for so long

I still can't sleep and am still struggling with all the same bullshit.

>>101227

I have very little bodyfat and have an extremely high fat diet. IDK if that stuff would be a good idea, maybe it would strip me of critical levels of fat.

>>100000

>>101405

>being able to at least love myself would be a huge step

do the right thing

>implying you can

In which country do you live, OP? Or do you just so happen to be the guy who is being doxxed here? Just asking because it sounds to me like you just really need a friend, bro / sis.